There are, of course, exceptions and, of course, Dan's is one of them. He's truly a gifted writer as I noted a billion years ago, back when all you ungrateful shits were all "Dan who?"
So yeah, Dan is down in the Big Easy, doing some obscenely altruistic shit like building houses for Habitat for Humanity. He asked us, his friends, his real friends, the ones who are there for him, plying him with liquor, drowning his woes, and taking blackmail worthy photos, to step in and provide minimally entertaining content for your amusement.
And you - you people - have the nerve, the gall, the cohones to tick-tack-type shit like BRING DAN BACK, WAH-WAH!
Look, we miss Dan, too. He's adorable, if a little slight of build in real life, and we're entertained by his heart-wrenching posts of late, if only to feel better about our relative status in our dating-, housing-, mental-situation. But he's gone.
HE'S GONE, PEOPLE. So suck it up and give us, the poor pathetic bastards tapped to bullshit until the maestro returns, a break, some slack, some, like, whatever. My pizza's here.
Oh, and before I forget, this one time, Dan kissed me hello. For twenty bucks and a litre of Belvedere, I'll let you touch my cheek, you drooling sycophants.