Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Putting the “Ded” in “Dedication”

Even the post title smacks of half-assedness. But in the interest of not burning myself out too fast and in sticking to my new motto (“Mediocrity: the first step to success!”), I’ve decided to kick things off a little differently.

Instead of “writing something new and amusing every day,” which I have decided is an outdated format, I plan on writing four or five shorter posts over the next two days catching everyone up on what has happened over the past two months. Then there is Thanksgiving, so no posts, then the long holiday weekend, then I’m taking off for two weeks. So that’s 3 days on, 17 days off. Try not to be crushed by the palpable excitement.

The good news, and it’s two-fold, is this: 1. There will be a bevy of terrific guest posters while I am gone, hand picked for their talent, their intelligence, and most of all for their willingness to do it even though some of them don’t technically know they will be doing it yet; and 2. I have a terrific reason for my two-week absence. My friend Scott and I decided a couple of months ago that we wanted to take an “active” vacation. His suggestion was a two-week bike tour of Portuguese vineyards. (Because why should activity sacrifice romance?) Unfortunately, about three weeks into the planning, just short of buying our plane tickets, it was brought to our attention that they don’t provide you with a bike, you have to bring your own. And since Scott doesn’t have a bike, we instead decided to drive down to New Orleans and build houses for Habitat for Humanity.

Please note that there are more flattering ways to tell the story, and I may not have gotten it right. Of course when I tell it to everyone at my office, or to the check-out girl at the supermarket who is cute (for a check-out girl), there is no mention of drunkenly biking European countrysides and lots more mention of poor, disenfranchised victims of nature’s fury and a decentralized Republican government needing help – our help – because at the end of the day if I can’t look at myself in the mirror who can I look at in the mirror? (Or something.)

Point being, these houses aren’t going to build themselves. We all need to sacrifice a little something to get the job done, and your sacrifice will be sitting in your ergonomic office chairs reading great material from a variety of writers while thinking, “Huh, maybe Dan should go away more often,” while my sacrifice will be throwing heaps of sheetrock and insulation into a dumpster, stepping on nails, eating warm bologna sandwiches in the warm noontime sun and constantly dealing with the burdening weight of being a hero.


Anonymous danielle! said...

Good for you Dan. I just came back from New Orleans (make sure you pronounce it right) and it's still a beautiful place and is in need of alot of help.
Will you post pictures of you with a tool belt on?

November 21, 2006 at 11:16:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The real hurricane victims are those Girls Gone Wild.

Want to rebuild New Orleans? Get a girl to take her shirt off on camera.

Otherwise, unimpressed.

November 21, 2006 at 11:27:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Alex said...

i was about to say "ooh Portugal is a great idea" b/c my bf goes there every summer to visit family and always raves about it... but indeed, building houses is a greater cause than languishing in the beautiful Portuguese countryside.

remember to keep your cold cuts cold, lest your bologna gives you the gift of listeria.

November 21, 2006 at 11:31:00 AM EST  
Blogger ducklet said...

speaking of cycling, you know what would be funny? if the check-out girl doesn't return your advances, and you're all like, 'fuck it, i'm quitting my blog again.' and then you return a month later only to repeat the cycle when the cleaning lady knees you in the groin.

November 21, 2006 at 11:53:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Kelly said...

3 days on, 17 days off... shouldn't you pace yourself first?

I mean, there's a lot of hard work going into your absenteeism.

Start off easier.

November 21, 2006 at 12:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dan said...

You know what will make for some great news? Me getting arrested for forcing a Habitat for Humanity volunteer to take off her shirt on camera. I can totally see it as a Most Popular video on CNN.com with the headline: "Habitat for Insanity" - worker goes wild.

November 21, 2006 at 12:07:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what's good with bologna? Rufenol.

You're not "forcing her" if she's passed out.

November 21, 2006 at 12:20:00 PM EST  
Blogger mm said...

After dating a crazy Portuguese man for over two years, I developed a secret dislike of the entire country. Unfair, I know. I fully support this Habitat for Humanity adventure. By the way, are you trying to be the world's most perfect guy? Charity work? for vacation? God already has a suite in heaven reserved for you.

November 21, 2006 at 12:55:00 PM EST  
Blogger Kate said...

Hooray for the second coming! Wait, is that being too melodramatic?

And I agree with the above poster...you're not forcing her if she's passed out. See Title IV, Section 7, paragraph 3 of the [source redacted]

November 21, 2006 at 12:57:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dan said...

A [redacted] joke in the comments! How meta.

November 21, 2006 at 1:06:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jules said...

Uh, that anonymous dude is funny. Seriously twisted and creepy, but funny.

And you. Charitable? Hardworking? Virtuous? Possible pictures of you with a tool-belt on? I may pass out.

November 21, 2006 at 1:08:00 PM EST  
Blogger Softball Slut said...

Glad to have you back! You were missed.

November 21, 2006 at 2:11:00 PM EST  
Blogger Bunny said...


November 21, 2006 at 2:18:00 PM EST  
Blogger Lori Mocha said...

On the streets they call me Balogna Sandwich.

That's pronounced "baloney" not "bowl-lone-ya."

November 21, 2006 at 3:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dennis said...

I'm bummed that you haven't yet tapped me to guest blog for you in your absence.

November 21, 2006 at 4:22:00 PM EST  
Blogger greener said...

now you're just playing 'hero' so that we'll all fall in love with you...geesh!

Have fun. I built HH in Mississippi. Fun times : )

We'll see you when you get back, Happy Thanksgiving : )

November 21, 2006 at 4:35:00 PM EST  
Blogger sadielady said...

nice. i used to live in new orleans, and i've thought a lot about going back to help out or do something useful since katrina, but i haven't gotten up off my lazy ass to do anything about those charitable thoughts of potential goodwill. doesn't just thinking about it make you a good person, even if you don't actually do it? that's what i tell myself, anyway, as i sit at home watching tv and drinking wine.

November 21, 2006 at 11:03:00 PM EST  
Blogger sadielady said...

also, i second (or third) the requests for pictures of you with your shirt off building houses.

November 21, 2006 at 11:05:00 PM EST  
Blogger jennifer starfall said...

we just got back from nawlins, too. all the places where tourists go are fine, and have been since last october.

the places that need help are the places no one ever went anyway, except the people who can't live there anymore. good luck going there.

ps: i'm not being facetious. i am jealous of your trip and feeling like quite an ass for not doing it myself.

November 21, 2006 at 11:55:00 PM EST  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

Uhhh i thought there was a cold frnt over there...sad to be you. oh well!

love kikimia

November 22, 2006 at 3:46:00 AM EST  
Blogger Joscelin said...

I had one of these (breakups) only three weeks ago too! Love your blog-glad I discovered it on a lazy pre-holiday work day.

November 22, 2006 at 1:34:00 PM EST  
Blogger Pink Pirate said...

Bravo for coming to NOLA!

Watch out for those Tulane kids though.

November 22, 2006 at 4:52:00 PM EST  
Blogger julia said...

Those of us in the non-profit world are unimpressed with your poverty tour. We suffer every day just so we can feel better about ourselves.

(who do I think I am, etc.)

November 29, 2006 at 4:20:00 PM EST  

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