Wednesday, December 27, 2006

2006 Year in Review: Most Interesting News Story of the Year

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In a recent online survey from some site that does these sorts of things, the war in Iraq was named the most interesting news story of the year by 27% of the respondents, doubling the totals of the two stories tied for second place, “Former Russian spy poisoned” and “Pluto demoted,” both garnering only 12% of the vote.

My vote, if you’re interested, was for Pluto being demoted from a planet to a “dwarf planet” because it does not meet one of the new conditions set for the definition of a planet, namely that “the object has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit.” Pluto does not.

I have no idea what this means, but let me try to explain it to you: Think of Pluto like a really short person. Like someone you might pass on the street and wonder to yourself, “Is that a midget? Or just a really short person?” And for years Pluto was living in a nice, normal community full of tall people who were wondering if Pluto was a midget or just really short, but no one ever asked.

Then, after 9/11, the neighborhood started to look suspiciously on anyone that was different, and Pluto’s physical abnormality became a cause for concern. Finally, the neighborhood held a town meeting where they decided to ban anyone in the neighborhood who didn’t clean their yard. And Pluto had a really messy yard, so they kicked him out.

I’m assuming the Pluto story would have ranked higher if they hadn’t been using the alternate definition of the word “interesting” (“the same thing happening every day that’s been happening for years now”) and used its customary definition (“a once in a lifetime event that has literally changed our universe”). So I’ve decided to hold my own poll. Because we here at [redacted] are nothing if not fair and balanced and, at the end of the day, just in search of the truth.

What do you consider the most interesting news story of 2006?

The Iraq War
Former Russian spy poisoned
U.S. population hitting 300 million
Domestic wiretapping
2006 mid-term elections
One of only 9 planets in our solar system being recatagorized so that it is now merely a “dwarf planet” and everything we learned is wrong, all those hours memorizing the order of the planets wasted, and our universe is now smaller than it has ever been in our lifetime


View Results


13 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

I'm not sure if you saw this, but it's a pretty interesting news story.

December 27, 2006 at 2:46:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my friend once said, "i loved pluto. it was the planet that taught it was okay to be small."

December 27, 2006 at 3:13:00 PM EST  
Blogger Libby Mae Brown said...

So how do they teach kids these days to remember the planets in order? "My very excellent mother just served us nine..." Nine? Nine WHAT???

December 27, 2006 at 3:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jules said...

Awww...Libby...that IS sad.

December 27, 2006 at 3:34:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Missy said...

"My very excellent mother just served us noodles?"

December 27, 2006 at 3:46:00 PM EST  
Blogger [Disgrundled] said...

moments, vacate even
memories, justly silent
understand nearly

December 27, 2006 at 4:01:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, disgrundled. Thank goodness I know you apart from your blog comments.

December 27, 2006 at 4:15:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always learned the mnemonic as "My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets."

December 27, 2006 at 4:16:00 PM EST  
Blogger The Accidental Bitch said...

Oh no! I completely forgot about all the hours spent learning the planets (or should I say "planets"). I hope Earth is the next one to be disqualified, and that would probably win #1 in any poll.

December 27, 2006 at 4:39:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Disgrundled, I will always love you.

December 27, 2006 at 4:54:00 PM EST  
Blogger the girl also blogs said...

As a really, really short girl who has occasionally wondered to herself - "Am I a midget? Or am I just a really, really short person?" - I feel Pluto's pain.

December 27, 2006 at 6:51:00 PM EST  
Blogger Lori Mocha said...

I say good riddance to Pluto.

I never liked that lousy planet anyway.

It can just orbit on outta here!

December 28, 2006 at 5:13:00 AM EST  
Blogger sleepyrn said...

Think of all those solar system models and posters and glow-in-the-dark stick-on-the-ceiling things that are now obsolete!

Watch out for a new tax so schools can replace all their instructional materials!!!

It is all a conspiracy!!

December 28, 2006 at 10:41:00 AM EST  

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