Monday, December 11, 2006

My Triumphant Return

To some, two weeks off may seem like the perfect way to rejuvenate the mind, gather up your experiences and ideas and return ready to write. Unfortunately these are the same people who consider drinking on a Friday and a Saturday “a bender” and own gym memberships for purposes other than just keeping up appearances. And the only thing I’ve ever had in common with these people is the opinion that, deep down inside, they are not happy.

To me, two weeks off is the perfect excuse for taking another day off. Call it ‘the inertia of laziness’, the mind’s tendency to remain at rest when so thoroughly rested. Sure, there are other variables, like the lag in recalibration of my soul from an environment of hard working, altruistic people toiling under blue skies, making a difference in the world, to the current barren wasteland of humming laser printers and fluorescent lights where the first interaction I had when I walked in the front door after two weeks of being away was this:

Guy: “Dan, were you out on Friday? You never responded to my email.”

Me: (looking over my shoulder, positive he can’t be talking to me) “I’ve been away for two weeks.”

Guy: “Oh. Really? Where?”

Me: “New Orleans.”

Guy: “Oh, that’s right. Now I remember.” (pause) “So you didn’t get my email?”

Me: (holding jacket, looking at bag on my shoulder) “No. Not yet.”

Point being, I need a day. A day, two Vicodin and maybe a service revolver. But mostly just a day. So while I’m sure everyone is eager to know what it feels like to actually have an impact on the world and know deep down to your core that you changed someone’s life for the better, it’ll have to wait until I’m done with these TPS reports.

And while we’re here, a big thanks to the guest bloggers. I think we can all agree that they were terrific reads. Except for Heather’s, and she is being dealt with accordingly.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays.

December 11, 2006 at 12:30:00 PM EST  
Blogger Lori Mocha said...

I can't wait.

December 11, 2006 at 12:33:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everytime I come back from vacation I am struck by the juxtaposition of the two following thoughts: A- no one noticed I was gone... yet B- no one else at my office knows how to do anything, like put paper in a printer, answer the phone without screaming or say, manage a project.
Have fun.

December 11, 2006 at 1:13:00 PM EST  
Blogger DevilsHeaven said...

Surely you set-up the proper "out of office" bounce back e-mail????
Because if you did, and Guy still asked if you got his e-mail, twice, seriously, he's a dork.

December 11, 2006 at 1:37:00 PM EST  
Blogger Sarah said...

Welcome back, Dan! Great selection of guest bloggers!

December 11, 2006 at 1:41:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

It appears as though your coworker didn't get the memo...

December 11, 2006 at 1:42:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jules said...

Yea! The cutie-pie is back!

December 11, 2006 at 2:06:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Neil said...

I second the cutie-pie comment.

December 11, 2006 at 2:28:00 PM EST  
Blogger fauxy dot net said...

i'll forward you the number of my shrink. all criticism i am now directing through him, because i can't really handle it right now.

December 11, 2006 at 3:48:00 PM EST  
Blogger Airam said...

That's what happens when people are self-absorbed.

Taking that time for yourself (and for others) is amazing. Can't wait to hear about it.

December 11, 2006 at 5:23:00 PM EST  
Blogger [mother] said...

"My Triumphant Return" - who do you think you are, Nero?

December 11, 2006 at 5:43:00 PM EST  
Blogger julia said...

how you feel today is kind of how i feel every day of my (so very young and malleable) life. you know, like i need a day.

cool, huh.

anyway. welcome back; i hardly missed you since i just started reading.

December 11, 2006 at 6:45:00 PM EST  
Blogger Ashley said...

I do want to express myself, okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.

December 11, 2006 at 10:53:00 PM EST  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

**sighss** I missed you..

December 11, 2006 at 11:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger angry ballerina said...

good to have you back

December 11, 2006 at 11:45:00 PM EST  
Blogger kiwi said...

Somehow we survived without you, but it's good to know life can resume as usual. Welcome back kiddo.

December 12, 2006 at 12:13:00 AM EST  
Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

I always try to make sure I have at least a day to just relax at my apartment at the end of vacation.
Otherwise, yes, I go insane.

December 12, 2006 at 12:49:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol 1st anon.

that's like every year at my office they skip my birthday. i wonder if they've even pondered the fact that i, like everyone else, age every year. huh.

December 12, 2006 at 9:18:00 AM EST  
Blogger Caitiedid said...

Everytime I come back from vacation, there are 8,000 voicemails unchecked, because no one else seems to know how to check them, (and, inevitably, 5,000 are from the world's most incompetent payroll specialist) there are four stacks of mail all rubber-banded together, (because, when you are afraid to open the mail, it's important to put a rubberband around it, so the mail can't sneak up behind you and bite while you're checking your email) and the building is smoldering.

Unfortunately, they can't help but notice when I'm gone. But coming back is like walking into a third world country with chocolate bars that you intended to eat yourself, until you see that swarm of fly-studded children racing towards you with hypodermic needles.

December 12, 2006 at 11:20:00 AM EST  
Blogger Brutal Honesty said...

Great to have you back!

December 12, 2006 at 7:02:00 PM EST  

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