From: "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"
Sent: Thursday, December 14, 2006 8:16 PM
Subject: Merry Christmas
A few problems though:
1. Why does Santa look like he was bitten by a zombie? It’s as though he is literally angry with me that I haven’t done anything about the size of my penis. But if Santa knows anything (and I think he does) he should know that it’s a subject that requires delicacy, not a “beat you over the head with your inadequacy” approach.
2. Who is this “she”? I mean, I get it in the sense that Santa knows what every boy and girl in the world wants for Christmas, so in real butterfly-flaps-its-wings-in-India kind of way, Santa knows that I have a small cock. But why not cut out the middle-whore and simply say that Santa himself wants me to beef up?
3. I’m supposed to believe that Rudolph is sending Santa’s emails? With hundreds of elves with opposable thumbs and increaded technological knowledge to make up for their obvious physical shortcomings, you make a reindeer send your correspondence? BAD FORM, SANTA.
4. What about what I want for Christmas?
Anyway, here is my revised copy:
Ad executives, I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. I have more ideas like this one.
And if you can hear me, Santa, I want this.