Back To Normal, Boring, Sexless Blog

Just like regular sex, Sex Week concludes much too quickly but with ultimate satisfaction (for me).

It seems everyone [who isn’t related to me] enjoyed the impromptu debauchery. And why shouldn’t they? If the main reason you read blogs at work is to distract you from having to do your work, what better topic than sex? Unless you work for a brothel or Deep Throat Productions, Inc., chances are sex is a deep departure from your daily grind (zing). And while obviously reading about it at your desk is way down the list of ways to enjoy sex:

1. Doing it with someone

2. Doing it with yourself

3. Watching people do it

4. Hearing people do it

5. Remembering a time when you did it

6. Listening to someone tell a story about when they did it

^{. . .}

23. Reading about it

24. Writing about it

25. Drawing a picture of people doing it

still, as far as topics go you can’t do much better. (Indeed, sex ranks number one on my list of favorite things, followed closely by “drinking” and “watching TV” which aren’t really “topics” so much as “things to do when not having sex.” Number four on the list, “people giving me money,” really only happens on holidays, which is a shame because I enjoy it so much.)

While I am loathe to turn this into a sex blog (though feel free to describe it to your friends as a sexy blog) I do appreciate the enthusiasm and camaraderie the subject fostered. Someone suggested in the comments section that I do a sex Q&A, which actually is something I have thought about doing. Not strictly a sex Q&A, but a Q&A on anything – because I am genuinely smart (I graduated college) and though I may never take advice, I am awesome at giving it. I feel like answering readers questions is the best way to address the topics and issues that people really want to hear about. Plus, if you are too embarrassed to go to your parents with a question (“What would happen if I put my finger in my butt?”), you can come to me and get the answer (“You would turn gay.”) in the privacy of my blog on the internet.

Let’s consider this a trial run. Email me your questions*, and next Friday (if this works) will be the first “Q&A Friday.” If it doesn’t, next Friday will instead be “You Guys Suck Day.”

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* Of course, all email address will be kept private, whether the question is of a personal, graphically embarrassing nature or not. You can even use a fake name, or one of those Dear Abby names like “Frustrated in Fresno.” But be advised that if you do I will assume that you are retarded. Email me!