Part of me really wants to write that post, but then the other part of me (the one that pays the bills and suggests every new year that I subscribe to the New York Times) blows up the whole argument by astutely noting that Martin Luther King Jr. was a real person, hence winner by default. Plus just calling Martin Luther King Jr. anything “by default” makes me think I’m doing something wrong, like when I read this reader submission on cnn.com,
“I'm a second-grade teacher and I have a picture of Dr. King in the front of my class. Under the picture I have the words THINK DIFFERENT.”
and my first thought was, “That’s not very politically correct.”
Anyway, Martin Luther King Jr. wins in a landslide! On to my thoughts/thinking points of last night’s season premier of “24.” Obviously don’t read any further if you are avoiding spoilers.
• I think you shouldn’t even attempt to watch a show this important without a TiVo. I was at Brooke’s (no quotes, real girl) apartment, which is TiVo-less, and come 8:00 there was a late-running football game on another channel and I wasn’t even done cooking dinner. When “24” started, while I knew that there was no way to pause it, my mind, so adjusted to life with TiVo, couldn’t comprehend that the show was playing and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was a sickening feeling. Around 8:45, I really wanted a doughnut and a glass of milk but had to wait until the show was over to go into the kitchen and get it. I felt like a prisoner. Speaking of prison . . .
• Scenario: You’re kept in a Chinese prison for two years. During that time you are repeatedly tortured and interrogated for information about your government. For two years, you say nothing. You absorb every bit of punishment they hand out, and say nothing.
Finally, after you’ve officially grown the “my spirit is broken” beard, you get word that your government has finally negotiated for your release. You are flown back to the U.S. and five minutes after you step off the plane a government official basically says, “We rescued you so we can hand you over to someone else to torture you. Only this time it’ll be a little different, because then they’re going to kill you.”
WHAT DO YOU DO?
If you are Jack Bauer, you obviously ask if you have time to shave before you go. My whole point being, Do you think Republicans watch this show and get pissed? Because Jack is obviously a Democrat (look at how he dresses) and he is the super-patriot of America. I know it sounds silly, but consider this: If someone ever asked you, “Can you imagine a Republican doing the things Jack Bauer does?” what would you answer? You would say “No.” I have no idea where I am going with this.
• Nicely played with the Asian bomber on the bus in the first five minutes of the show. For a show like this, it’s important to keep the audience on its toes as to which nationality we are stereotyping. Next episode, there should be a two minute scene where Fayed is shown alone in a room doing math and playing classical piano. Like I said – just to keep us on our toes.
• I know it’s Martin Luther King Jr. day and I shouldn’t be asking questions like this, but what is more implausible? An American led air strike on Los Angeles, or two black presidents?
• I love the “Jack has been traumatized by his experiences in captivity” theme. Because as much as I love Jack Bauer, he still made Young Guns II. At least in my head this keeps the Kiefer Sutherland Scale balanced. Yes, I have a Kiefer Sutherland Scale in my head. Just like Tom Hanks hair in The DaVinci Code brought him back down. These things are important to me.
• Brooke: “New relationship rule – any time a guy bites a piece off another guy’s neck and spits it out on TV, you don’t let go of my hand.”
• Have you ever been watching “24” and suddenly thought, “I can’t believe this is happening at 7:00 in the morning.” I mean. it was 6:58AM when Jack bit a piece out of a guy’s neck. I can’t even function a coffee pot before 7:30.
Due to tonight’s scheduling nightmare (along with my own implied homosexuality) I’ll be TiVoing “24” and watching the Golden Globes. Meaning that tomorrow is going to be one of those day-long dances to avoid reading any plot spoilers. And because it’s easier than calling or emailing everyone I know, I’ll say it here:
MEMO TO EVERYONE I KNOW
Please don’t tell me shit about what happens on “24.” Don’t call me, don’t email me, nothing.