Tuesday, January 2, 2007

I’m Still Drunk

Not from New Year’s Eve, but from this morning, when I was drinking.

In the meantime, everyone share your best story from New Year’s Eve. If you don’t have a good one, make something up. Because if made-up stories are good enough for my readers, they’re good enough for me.

(In case you missed what all the fuss is about, click the image to relive the moment over and over again – the start of another year, just like last year, but possibly worse, because who knows maybe you’ll be in an accident or something this year.)


Blogger Miss Nines said...

While running across the street to my apartment, my very drunk date told me to hop on his back. I, who was not drunk, said "This is not a good idea."

He insisted, bent over, and had me jump on. "Oh god, please don't fall." Three feet later, he did.

We went flying, right in front of on coming traffic. He did a direct face plant, and I skimmed the asphalt in my new dress and shoes, scraping my palms. I looked up, was blinded by lights from oncoming cabs, and pulled him, bleeding, from the street.

He sat in a doorway while I ran upstairs and grabbed a towel so he could clean himself up. His blood was still outside the neighborhood crepery the next morning. It was also on my lace covered pumps.

Yes, we still hooked up, but I don't think I like him anymore. Happy New Year!

January 2, 2007 at 1:48:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the start of another year, just like last year, but possibly worse, because who knows maybe you’ll be in an accident or something this year.

Thanks, the past year was crappy enough for me ... no need to ruin the new year with thoughts like that.

January 2, 2007 at 1:53:00 PM EST  
Anonymous [anonymous] said...

I was at a club in Denver, and when I was trying to leave in my limo, another vehicle pulled up and sprayed my limo with bullets, killing me.

(I might as well use that story, since Darrent Williams won't be able to.) (I might also add that I was actually IN Denver for New Year's Eve this year, so I'm already feeling kind of lucky that it wasn't me.)

January 2, 2007 at 2:10:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suck post.

January 2, 2007 at 2:27:00 PM EST  
Blogger Erin Mc said...

I orchestrated a 3 a.m. pajama dance party after chugging champagne straight from the bottle...

January 2, 2007 at 2:43:00 PM EST  
Anonymous kyle said...

I went to a house party that started out fairly tame. One guest brought some fireworks and threw one out into the back yard. Since they were just blackcats they weren't very festive - just annoying. Five minutes later I happen to look out the window and the entire yard is on fire. A couple of us ran outside and stomp it out while others grabbed buckets full of water.

I found my charred shoes yesterday morning. Unfortunately, I also woke up with food poisoning. I got up at 9 in the morning and threw up for 6 hours straight. The worst part was I had to move yesterday. The only thing I hate more than moving is moving while needing to vomit.

January 2, 2007 at 2:57:00 PM EST  
Blogger Tammy said...

I think Kyle wins so far. I love to read these stories because it makes my New Year's Eves seem not so bad. I should just camp out in the ER every time 12/31 rolls around and save myself the trip.

This year's was actually fine, but last year my husband broke his hand on Christmas Eve, I got food poisoning New Year's Eve, and we had just had a baby. Huzzah!

January 2, 2007 at 3:16:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this blog is awful compared to the daily dump. where has your genius gone?

January 2, 2007 at 3:32:00 PM EST  
Blogger Lindsay said...

My best New Year's Eve would be the one a few years ago when I drank way too much and passed out before midnight. The best part was that right before I passed out, I was sitting on the floor outside the bathroom, talking to my boyfriend's older brother, when I casually leaned over and threw up all over the carpet. When he recovered from the shock and horror, he covered the mess with a towel, which I thought was a pillow for my benefit. In my drunkeness, I snuggled my face into the "pillow", realized my mistake, and then motioned for my dog to come over and eat the mess, all while the brother stood there and stared in disgust. I passed out immediately thereafter.

January 2, 2007 at 3:47:00 PM EST  
Blogger Meow said...

There are so many debbie downers here. Seriously: if you're going to piss in the comment section, at least write your name in the snow.

January 2, 2007 at 3:59:00 PM EST  
Blogger Airam said...

I roamed NY extorting businesses so I can become top rank in the Corleone family.

January 2, 2007 at 4:09:00 PM EST  
Blogger DevilsHeaven said...

Amen Meow.

January 2, 2007 at 4:10:00 PM EST  
Blogger sleepyrn said...

I will leave New Years Eve to the young and careless. I have never seen the appeal of drinking too much, getting sick and waking up to find yourself naked and next to someone whose name escapes you.

Me? I was asleep by 10pm. I was up at 4:15 that morning for work. Sleep was way more important than watching a ball drop and kissing who ever I was next to.

Uh oh, the old fogey in me is showing herself again!!!!!

January 2, 2007 at 6:02:00 PM EST  
Blogger Melinda said...

My New Year's Eve:
Hundreds of thousands of screaming people in the streets of London, standing underneath Big Ben and listening to the bells chiming in Westminster Abbey. Loud music, insanely cool fireworks, people smoking weed (in the streets and on the bus ride home), people drinking straight liquor from bottles while loudly singing (not Auld Lang Syne), and then stumbling their way home without any fist fights as cops on horseback gently prodded the drunks down the streets. A normally 20-minute bus ride home takes 90 minutes instead - and having to pee in an alley because there was nowhere else to go.

Tired feet, awful hangover the next morning, realization that every New Year's Day since 1997 has involved a pounding headache and multiple trips to the bathroom. Started drinking Buck's Fizz (bottles of champagne and OJ)in the morning and resolved to continue this tradition again next year.

January 2, 2007 at 6:28:00 PM EST  
Blogger Delia True said...

I dominated the party's open bar and then made out on the dancefloor to the Radiohead song "Idioteque." Which is actually a really difficult song to dance to, now that I think about it. To think we did it WHILE sucking face is really an accomplishment. I can only go down from here.

January 2, 2007 at 8:25:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Blueyz said...

I must be the dullest person around... I have to clean. Usually starts around 10:30, then I clean until 11:55, like a mad woman who's expecting the queen to drop by. Well, at least no headache and I start the new year with a magnificently clean house...

I just love all of your stories, please, please, I need more, more, more!!

January 2, 2007 at 9:52:00 PM EST  
Blogger Mood Indigo said...

i horrified my missionary brother by proclaiming at 11:40 that we needed to get to the bar STAT so that I could find someone to kiss at midnight. We (friends, not me and my bro) made it to the bar - but it was at a ski resort so it was full of really hairy, smelly mountain men and the high altitude flatulence was in full effect. Needless to say - I made out with my champagne instead and enjoyed the best of friends who all agreed we were the hottest people there (and I NEVER get to say that in the bars at home!)

January 2, 2007 at 10:03:00 PM EST  
Blogger mance01 said...

I also agree with meow. Guys quit being assholes. also, happy new year Dan. Where the hell is my link? also, i didn't drink new year's. so i'm amking up for it now. am druuuhnk. which is why i've done this damn nword verfication thing like 4 times now. ugh.


January 2, 2007 at 11:49:00 PM EST  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

I won't get into specifics because Mi6 has me sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that I saved the world, made it with a hot chick, then won millions in a casino, which bankrupted a criminal organization bent on world domination. (some might say that I had an unenventful new years, then went home after midnight and watched porn, but that's just a coverstory).

January 3, 2007 at 9:04:00 AM EST  
Blogger Brandon said...

I did crossword puzzles and had a double shot of espresso in a failed attempt to not fall asleep before 11pm. If you count the whole day, I cleaned out the gutters on the south side of my house.

My new year's resolution is to convince a police officer to shoot me.

January 3, 2007 at 9:42:00 AM EST  
Blogger mm said...

Mine was straight glamourous. I was a third wheel in my couple friend's basement. I chugged Bud Light while desperately booty texting a virgin. They kicked me out to have their crazy New Year's sex. I then met up my little brother and his stoned 19 year old friends in an apartment parking lot. One of his friends and I hit up a party composed entirely of drunken horny girls. They declared their love for me, we all took shots and my companion got laid while I continued sending out drunken, sexually-explicate text messages to my virgin boy. V boy told me he was game and I quickly drove to his house and took away some (but not all) of his innocence. Can you say rockstar??? *sigh* Who am I kidding?

January 3, 2007 at 9:58:00 AM EST  
Blogger Julie_Gong said...

I filled a bathtub in a hotel up with booze and then drank most of that booze. I love saying booze.

So after that I climbed aboard an ironing board and was pulled down the hallway surfing. Surfing on an ironing board in a hotel is difficult and not safe. I fell. A lot. It was painful.

After throwing a girl to the ground twice because she was verbally assulting my friend a large biker came out of his room and told us to 'shut the fuck up' and that 'he better not have to come out and yell at us again.' I responded with 'I forgot you were my Dad.' He responsed with a knife. I ran and hide in my bathtub full of booze.

I was bloody and bruised in the morning. Oh New Years I love you!

January 3, 2007 at 11:54:00 AM EST  
Anonymous ZKNY said...

I found you again and that made my New Year and am very jealous of your new girlfriend.

Here's to a better 07 than 06.


January 3, 2007 at 11:18:00 PM EST  
Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

The Chicago streets had ZERO available cabs for me and my friend, and just when we were about to give up a limo asks if we want a ride. Great, right? There were 3 bad things about this limo

1. A suffocating smell of body odor.
2. The cabby talked about how drinking and driving has been a BAD combination for him, which led to multiple incidents of hitting parked cars, which in turn led to his insurance company deeming him "uninsurable."
3. He seemed drunk as he told us this.

Sorry if that was a rehash from my blog, but odds are you didn't read it, and it really was the most noteworthy event of the evening.

January 4, 2007 at 12:18:00 AM EST  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

I discovered that when you have a cold "Vodka" and "Nyquil" are pretty much interchangable

January 4, 2007 at 3:38:00 PM EST  
Blogger asenath waite said...

I went to my favorite New Orleans-crumbling-mansion/bar, cadged drinks off some old man who claimed to be very wealthy, then went to a house party where by 11:30 pm all that was left was a box of Franzia (classy!), and celebrated New Year's by avoiding midnight make-outs with some undergrad.

Oh yeah, and my chick friends made out with each other a lot.

January 4, 2007 at 10:15:00 PM EST  
Blogger universal muse said...

my new year's eve was wrapped in a haze of (literally) foreign substances. of the actual stroke of midnight, i remember very little, aside from the fact that there was a lot of champagne. i spent the night in paris surrounded by unrealistically beautiful people, but despite the lovely scenery, my fete was dominated by a run-in with an ex-not-exactly-boyfriend.

i know i'm not the only girl who has convinced herself that carly simon wrote the song "you're so vain" for her ex, but i think my case is especially juste as the french would say.

take the first line, for example: "you walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht." not only did he walk into the party as though it were a yacht, the party might as well have been a yacht. he was superb, dressed all in black, fine fabrics from head to toe. the party was, in a word, swank. it was overflowing with foie gras, courvoisier and, as i learned afterward, cocaine. i was completely out of place, a gauche and un-elegant american girl among cultured, worldly young europeans.

as far as the second line of the song goes, believe me, his fedora was "strategically tipped below one eye," though his scarf was black that night. he actually does own an apricot ascot, however. i teased him about it the one night he wore it in front of me.

just like the night we met, we ignored each other for several hours. both on the night we met two years ago and at this new year's party, i ignored him because i'm incredibly shy around attractive men and he's not only attractive, but intimidating. he ignored me the first time in order to make me chase him (you can imagine how well we worked as a couple), but this time he ignored me because he didn't want to talk to me. he told me as much at the end of the party when i confronted him. i asked him very directly why we weren't talking and he replied that he didn't realize that i expected so much (a conversation) from him.

this last meeting between us seemed totally unreal, and not only because he dared tell me that five minutes of his time was too much to ask. i'm pretty sure i had a contact high from at least one of the substances being smoked at the party--i really hope it was pot. since i've never smoked anything in my life, my head was spinning throughout the party and i remember falling at one point. in addition to the atmospheric influences operating on my senses, a bit of nostalgia lent a surreal feeling to our last conversation. you see, we had never properly broken up, so this was perhaps the closure i needed.

all these elements combined to give me the impression that i never saw him, though i'm sure i did. he exited my life almost as smoothly as he entered it, though i must admit I cried after the party.

among all his harsh words (i gave you the short version), he did manage to slip in a compliment: he likes my writing. he wants to keep receiving emails from me, not because he wants to know anything about me, but because he thinks i've got style.

January 5, 2007 at 9:43:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i committed credit card fraud. yes, i did. oh, and i work for a bank making my felony that much more shame-inducing.

January 7, 2007 at 6:26:00 PM EST  

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