Thursday, January 25, 2007

More Sexy News!

Iguana with permanent erection risks chop

Mozart, an iguana stuck with a permanent erection six days after a mating session at a Belgian zoo, may have to have his penis amputated if the condition does not improve.

Even if an amputation is deemed necessary, Mozart will still be able to reproduce, because male iguanas have two penises, a scientist added.

Unfortunately (for myself, my girlfriend, and modern science) I was born with only one penis. While I have done reasonably well for myself with my one, I can only imagine the joy of two. I think if I had two penises, here is what I would do:

Use the first one as usual, and use the second one to slap this guy across the face:

23 Comments:

Anonymous Chris said...

That is somebody perfect for the military to test the new ray gun on. That would be a cool video!

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/us-military-develops-ray-gun-people-feel-like-theyre-on-fire-231446.php

January 25, 2007 at 3:46:00 PM EST  
Blogger trinity67 said...

Erm...about the Mozart thing how is it that you find this stuff?!

January 25, 2007 at 3:47:00 PM EST  
Blogger Juice is not for kids said...

I don't know what those judges are thinking. He is a superstar!

January 25, 2007 at 3:55:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

But, if they amputate Mozart's second penis, with what will he conduct his next symphony??

January 25, 2007 at 4:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger New Texan said...

My guess is there a traffic line of penises in and around that dude's face... so take a number.

January 25, 2007 at 4:12:00 PM EST  
Blogger SoberCityGirl said...

Is it weird that the image of you slapping that guy around with your second penis turns me on?

January 25, 2007 at 4:15:00 PM EST  
Blogger Kelly said...

I like how the dancing man told the British guy to "go have a cup of tea." Dan, you may have to go pay him a visit, and Tea Bag him.

He must be wondering why no one, especially Gloria, isn't "cwwwalling".

January 25, 2007 at 4:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger craziasian said...

an iguana stuck with a permanent erection six days...

I think an ex-boyfriend of mine had that exact same problem. Oh wait he was just a normal guy responding to my adolescent love for low cut shirts. nevermind.

I CAN'T BELIEVE NO ONE MADE THIS JOKE YET. GEEZ.

January 25, 2007 at 4:59:00 PM EST  
Blogger Maulleigh said...

Poor bastard.

January 25, 2007 at 5:42:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was the funniest video I have seen in a long time... Thanks!

January 25, 2007 at 6:01:00 PM EST  
Blogger scott said...

DUDE!

Did you know that "Tea Bag" is also a euphemism for... well, I hate to say on the Internet, since there might be kids or nuns online. Still, look it up.

Man is your face gonna be red!

Hello, Dan.

January 25, 2007 at 6:29:00 PM EST  
Blogger Airam said...

Right?

That guy was such a dick, slapping him in the face with one might make him even more of a dick.

"I'm a superstar, a singer, and a dancer"

January 25, 2007 at 7:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger Man On The Street said...

You SURE you have a girlfriend?...and not one of the made-up variety? Two penis-centric posts in a row?...

January 25, 2007 at 7:54:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he would enjoy that much more than you would like...

January 26, 2007 at 12:25:00 AM EST  
Blogger Jay said...

How about that, I really have learned something today

January 26, 2007 at 4:38:00 AM EST  
Blogger Betty said...

I was reading the sexpert column in this week's TONY and honestly I think you should take the questions they get and give answers- b/c their sexpert sucks!

January 26, 2007 at 11:21:00 AM EST  
Blogger EmmaK said...

problem is, slapping him in the face with a penis would probably turn him on :D

January 26, 2007 at 11:36:00 AM EST  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

Wow.

Just... wow.

January 26, 2007 at 11:43:00 AM EST  
Blogger A. Dubz said...

He is everything that is wrong with society.

January 26, 2007 at 12:45:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder what flambeed iguana penis tastes like...

January 26, 2007 at 2:06:00 PM EST  
Blogger sleepyrn said...

If you really want to punish Ian "the Superstar" don't hit him with an erect penis, just make him sit and look at one and not be able to have it.

My initial thought when I saw this fool on AI was "he needs WAAAAAAY more than two therapists!!!"

January 26, 2007 at 2:16:00 PM EST  
Blogger superandystar said...

I have fun with two penises all the time. it's called sex with my boyfriend. and funny that you mention it, i love it when he slaps it in my face. you should try it sometime if you really wanna know.

January 26, 2007 at 3:32:00 PM EST  
Blogger JP said...

I hate that crap and all of his ilk, because you know he travels in a band of merry idiots that do nohing but gratify their ego woodies all day long. Jeez.
Feel soory for the iguana though.

January 26, 2007 at 3:39:00 PM EST  

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