Friday, January 5, 2007

[redacted]: Defender of Amendments and Rights and Stuff

I normally don’t post things like this. Typically my content skews much more refined, much more demure. But when sex and the First Amendment collide, typically I want to be there to splash around in the post-coital puddle.

Apparently Daniela Cicarelli is pretty famous in Brazil for, among other things, modeling, dating soccer players and being hot. And having sex in front of large groups of people . . . while secretly being videotaped! The videotape, of course, surfaced on YouTube. And Brazil is pissed!

Brazil, famous largely due to a particularly aggressive brand of bikini wax, decided that while candor is to be appreciated in some forums, this particular situation required a heavier hand. (I’m not even sure I’m making innuendo anymore.) Basically, Brazil, as a country, took legal action to protect Cicatelli’s privacy by forcing YouTube to remove the video.

“YouTube was first ordered in September to remove video showing Cicarelli and Brazilian banker Renato Malzoni in intimate scenes along a beach near the Spanish city of Cadiz.

But the clip still appears periodically on YouTube, prompting the expanded order from Sao Paulo state Supreme Court Justice Enio Santarelli Zuliani on Tuesday, the court's press office said in a statement.

The case now goes automatically to a three-member panel of judges who will decide whether to make the order permanent and whether to fine YouTube as much as $119,000 for each day that the video was viewable.”

My first question being: Shut up, Brazil. My second being: Since when did it become acceptable for Brazilian courts to legislate our right to view free, online, voyeuristic content? If I am going to download music illegally and view sexually explicit pictures on popular celebrity blogs on my office computer I’m going to do it at the offense of MY country and MY employer. Not some half-assed three-member panel of Brazilian judges. It was MY ancestors that came to this country basically after all the hard work had been done and benefited from the industrial boom, and I’m certainly not going to let Brazil step in now and pontificate to me about all these awesome rights I inherited. And by extension of this defiance (think of it as an online Boston Tea Party) here is the link to the video. (It doesn’t get good actually kind of funny until about 3:30, and it’s probably NSFW, although if you make it really small and hide it behind an Excel spreadsheet you can probably get away with it.)

Irony of ironies, having sex in public is the actual crime here. But you don’t see Brazil putting a warrant out for their arrest. And you want to know why? Because sex in the ocean is overrated. And, moreover, dangerous. My tenth grade health teacher said that most bodies of water are teeming with microorganisms and that if a girl gets one of them in her cha-cha it could cause all sorts of problems, like bad grades and unpopularity. Then again, he also said that if you’re going to smoke, you may as well smoke Marlboro reds, because they’re the best.


Blogger Meow said...

I think she filed action against YouTube, which then became the Brazilian courts against YouTube.

Wasn't it a big deal because she was cheating on her boyfriend with the banker guy?

January 5, 2007 at 3:45:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

Sex on the Beach (or in the Ocean, whatever) is better left as a drink.

The sand isn't worth it, folks.

January 5, 2007 at 3:47:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dan said...

Let the record show that "meow" is clearly a Democrat.

If you're not with us, you're against us.

January 5, 2007 at 3:54:00 PM EST  
Blogger VerbalD said...

brazil can sue you tube as much as they want. good luck recovering the damages though. Unless, of course, you tube chooses to buy property or invest in brazil.

also, its awesome having an office because i can watch all the NSFW stuff i want, and no one knows. And its even better that my office doesn't have spyware to find out what i am doing either, because my boss can barely figure out his cell phone. oh, and he doesn't care as long as i am right. which i always am.

January 5, 2007 at 4:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Plus think about the salt. I mean, you know how itchy you can get when the salt dries on your skin after getting out of the water? Now imagine that on your sensitive bits. [shudders]

January 5, 2007 at 4:29:00 PM EST  
Blogger ab said...

I was clicking around looking for articles on the Subway Hero today, and I spent .05 seconds on the Playboy blog before I realized that I AM ON THE PLAYBOY SITE AT WORK. I'm waiting for IT to come and abuse me any second now.

January 5, 2007 at 5:08:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Neil said...

I once tried to have sex in the ocean, but by the time I finished putting sunscreen all over my body, the woman lost interest.

January 5, 2007 at 6:46:00 PM EST  
Blogger David said...

Sex in the ocean!

Isn't that like one GIANT salt-water douching for the ladyfolk?

With, of course, a dick thrown in. But lots of Douche.

January 5, 2007 at 6:56:00 PM EST  
Blogger Beechball * said...

haha, although funny, I didn't find that video to be 'sexy'. I can't help but compare people having sex to uncoordinated animals just doin' their thing. The fact that it was in the ocean was also gross, because as you said, it's not 'smart' to do - she's gonna end up being the proud mommy of a seahorse or something ;) haha

*A girl; I think I'll name her Ariel like from The Little Mermaid*

January 5, 2007 at 8:13:00 PM EST  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

i loved the video i gotta show it my bf. Why doesnt that site give links?
I love me some dan in the ocean...but like miss nines says - the sand is nooooooooooooot worth it! sevi!

January 5, 2007 at 8:36:00 PM EST  
Anonymous kitty said...

What's that she was sucking on, his nose? In all my sexual encounters I never ever ever sucked a guys nose. But whatever.

I do like how she was "petting" him as he was kissing her leg, loved that, all that was missing from that scene was my riding crop. Oh, yeah, I inserted myself into that one. I would have been wearing hooker boots too, just saying.

January 5, 2007 at 10:25:00 PM EST  
Blogger Amber said...

I like that tenth grade teacher of yours.

I, myself, found this video to be pretty fucking hot. However, I have also been on a Man Ban since August, and so I find myself getting off on pretty much anything these days. So take that with a grain of salt. Or sand. Or whatever.

January 6, 2007 at 1:07:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was hot....

January 6, 2007 at 1:52:00 AM EST  
Blogger Jay said...

Oh, those wacky Brazilians -- surely it should be the person that filmed the video in the first place that gets in hot water over it, rather than YouTube? But damn right they should have no say in another country's rights.

January 6, 2007 at 2:34:00 AM EST  
Anonymous kat said...

I'm just wondering how hot the water was. Funny too that he hung seaweed on his man root after it was all said and done. What a stud!

January 6, 2007 at 4:41:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah FU Brazil, who ever even heard of you without thinking of a bikini wax, now I'm too hot and bothered to even think about sending anyone down there for a trim. Well, maybe not....

January 6, 2007 at 4:43:00 AM EST  
Blogger stephanie said...

you know, 've been to bazil, and the water there was NASTY. after a storm, all of this sewage washed up on the beach.


January 6, 2007 at 8:56:00 AM EST  
Blogger mm said...

Her vagina is gonna be hurting. But who cares? The video was kinda hot. I'm sure sex in the ocean is a lot less painful than sex on the beach. Not as much sand.

January 6, 2007 at 11:03:00 AM EST  
Blogger sleepyrn said...

for anyone that wants to throw a little reality into the picture - water of any kind (dirty, gross, sandy, brazilian, ocean water, hot, bubbling hot tub water, or anything in between) washes the natural lubricant out of the woman with every, shall we say, thrust. Water is not a comfortable environment for said female. Fun but not comfortable

January 6, 2007 at 11:12:00 AM EST  
Blogger Jay said...

Watching the video, I was waiting for someone to drown...

January 6, 2007 at 11:44:00 AM EST  
Blogger R. Hyperbole said...

25 seconds of sex.
they probably don't want it shown in public for this reason alone.
25 seconds of humping in the water, followed by seaweed exfoliation and dancing on the beach.

my head hurts now.

January 6, 2007 at 2:00:00 PM EST  
Blogger Greg said...

As long as the Star Jones-Reynolds beach sex clip doesn't ever surface, everything will be just fine.

And that's why guys shouldn't wear that kind of underwear. There's no avoiding an embarrassing situation.

January 6, 2007 at 11:15:00 PM EST  
Blogger srchngformystry said...

youre the best!

sex in the ocean? id caution against it.

i agree with rebecca. the salt, you know? yuk!

and that model has a hot body, but not so hot face. what do they call them? fuglies, i think...or is it mugly?

January 6, 2007 at 11:32:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jules said...

Sex in the ocean can be fucking hot. I kept waiting for it to get hotter than it was in the beginning, but it didn't. Then I noticed that you said "kind of funny". I'd definately advise a shower afterwards, but it's still hot.

January 7, 2007 at 3:06:00 PM EST  
Blogger Not a Cookie Cutter said...

I thought it was very hot, especially the pre-sex scene. If things were extremely "hot" for Ms.Brazil then perhaps she won't have any of the after effects of the salt.......

January 8, 2007 at 1:45:00 AM EST  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

She is so hot that I would never take her to the beach. I wouldn't let her leave the room because we'd be too busy doing it.

January 8, 2007 at 9:13:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sex in the ocean is wack.

January 8, 2007 at 1:17:00 PM EST  
Anonymous some chick with a boy's name said...

Update: Phone companies in Brazil blocking YouTube
Tue Jan 9, 2007 8:18am ET

SAO PAULO (Reuters) - Telecommunications companies in Brazil began blocking access to YouTube on Monday after a Brazilian model sued to get the popular video sharing service to remove footage of her having sex from its Web site.

January 9, 2007 at 12:47:00 PM EST  

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