[redacted]: Defender of Amendments and Rights and Stuff

I normally don’t post things like this. Typically my content skews much more refined, much more demure. But when sex and the First Amendment collide, typically I want to be there to splash around in the post-coital puddle.

Apparently Daniela Cicarelli is pretty famous in Brazil for, among other things, modeling, dating soccer players and being hot. And having sex in front of large groups of people . . . while secretly being videotaped! The videotape, of course, surfaced on YouTube. And Brazil is pissed!

Brazil, famous largely due to a particularly aggressive brand of bikini wax, decided that while candor is to be appreciated in some forums, this particular situation required a heavier hand. (I’m not even sure I’m making innuendo anymore.) Basically, Brazil, as a country, took legal action to protect Cicatelli’s privacy by forcing YouTube to remove the video.

“YouTube was first ordered in September to remove video showing Cicarelli and Brazilian banker Renato Malzoni in intimate scenes along a beach near the Spanish city of Cadiz.

But the clip still appears periodically on YouTube, prompting the expanded order from Sao Paulo state Supreme Court Justice Enio Santarelli Zuliani on Tuesday, the court's press office said in a statement.

The case now goes automatically to a three-member panel of judges who will decide whether to make the order permanent and whether to fine YouTube as much as $119,000 for each day that the video was viewable.”

My first question being: Shut up, Brazil. My second being: Since when did it become acceptable for Brazilian courts to legislate our right to view free, online, voyeuristic content? If I am going to download music illegally and view sexually explicit pictures on popular celebrity blogs on my office computer I’m going to do it at the offense of MY country and MY employer. Not some half-assed three-member panel of Brazilian judges. It was MY ancestors that came to this country basically after all the hard work had been done and benefited from the industrial boom, and I’m certainly not going to let Brazil step in now and pontificate to me about all these awesome rights I inherited. And by extension of this defiance (think of it as an online Boston Tea Party) here is the link to the video. (It doesn’t get good actually kind of funny until about 3:30, and it’s probably NSFW, although if you make it really small and hide it behind an Excel spreadsheet you can probably get away with it.)

Irony of ironies, having sex in public is the actual crime here. But you don’t see Brazil putting a warrant out for their arrest. And you want to know why? Because sex in the ocean is overrated. And, moreover, dangerous. My tenth grade health teacher said that most bodies of water are teeming with microorganisms and that if a girl gets one of them in her cha-cha it could cause all sorts of problems, like bad grades and unpopularity. Then again, he also said that if you’re going to smoke, you may as well smoke Marlboro reds, because they’re the best.