Monday, January 8, 2007

Tigger Accused of Punching Little Wimp

Disney World, Fla. Jan 7, 2007 (AP) - Tigger was accused of hitting a child while posing for a photo, a spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said Saturday.


"Naturally, physical altercations between cast members and guests are not tolerated.”


The boy’s father, Jerry Monaco told The Early Show co-anchor Hannah Storm, "At that point he started bumping into me and I apologized and I figured it was hot out and give him some space. At that point I backed off and went to take some home video of the rest of the family and, out of nowhere, he sucker-punched my son."

This couldn’t be any more different than the relationship I had with my father. Whereas here you have Jerry Monaco content with going on “The Early Show” to tell the world that his son was beat down by the palm of a soft, furry paw at The Happiest Place on Earth, my father would have pulled us apart, taken me to the side and had a talk with me. He would have said, “I don’t know what just happened there, but this sort of thing is unacceptable.” Then he would have handed me a small box cutter, saying, “Now go back in there and finish what he started.” Then he would take bets from the crowd, likely against me, because it’s like he always said: “I love you but you’re small for your age.”

But you know the weirdest part about this whole thing? I’m not surprised at all. I always pictured Tigger as a loose cannon. He’s increasingly hyper and strung out, seemingly always on the verge of snapping. Even Goofy, whose demeanor is defined by crazy, unpredictable behavior, never came off as out-of-control as Tigger did, with his small, unblinking eyes. If Mickey ran his family with a firmer hand, you imagine Tigger would have been handled like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.

Still, if I were Disney PR, I’d view this as an opportunity. Here’s how I would spin it:

Tigger is on drugs. Tigger uses crack and meth. He is a troubled tiger who made some mistakes and is in need of help. They could even say he was molested as a cub to drum up sympathy. Then take him out of circulation at The Magic Kingdom for a few months. Send him to rehab. Put him, Christopher Robin, Pooh, Roo and Eeyore on an episode of A&E’s “Intervention.” Piglet can break down in tears saying, “You hit a kid, Tigger! You’re out of control!” Cross-promote it, make a big deal out of it – peel back the façade of perfection that Disney World has portrayed for too long now. In July, at the height of tourist season, reintroduce the clean, newly rehabilitated Tigger. He can go around the park carrying a Poland Spring bottle, posing for pictures while fake-punching kids and telling them to stay off drugs. He’s Disney’s real-life comeback story, a walking, talking embodiment of the idea that even though the world can be a hard, cruel place, in the end friendship and cheerfulness will triumph. Send him on Larry King, Jon Stewart and Oprah, where she can show flashbacks to his lowest points and he can choke up while saying, “I was a different tiger then.” It would be the best thing Disney has ever done with itself.

Then, some years down the line, after an obscene amount of taunting has turned Jerry Monaco Jr. into a crazed recluse, Monaco can take out Tigger with a sniper’s rifle while positioned atop Cinderella’s Castle in the middle of Magic Kingdom, assuring that for at least one more day I have something to blog about.

18 Comments:

Blogger [tall] said...

The real question is...what's a 16-year-old kid doing at Disney World?

Besides, the punch that Tigger threw looked like a jab, not a haymaker or anything.

If I went to Jerry Jr's high school, I would kick the crap out of him...and while he cries on the hallway floor say: "Who's got the Eye of the Tigger now!?!?!?!"

January 8, 2007 at 4:15:00 PM EST  
Blogger New Texan said...

I am with you... no amount of Disney settlement money will save this kid from the thrashing he rightly deserves at school.

January 8, 2007 at 4:26:00 PM EST  
Blogger Meow said...

I think Tigger is just blind from old age and meant to pat the kid on the head (only as a teenager his head was a little higher than expected.

BTW Dan, I applaud the Republican smear tactic in the last comment section =)

January 8, 2007 at 4:29:00 PM EST  
Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

Didn't they have an intervention for Pooh after he got stuck in Rabbit's door because he couldn't stop freaking eating? You'd think the hundred acre woods crew would've seen the signs.

January 8, 2007 at 4:34:00 PM EST  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

Wow. Tigger punched some wimpy kid in the face. The worst thing I ever did to socially awkward kids was sell them crack. Because if anyone needs crack to make themselves feel better about their lot in life, it's the outcasts.

January 8, 2007 at 5:11:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

Thanks to his daddt, this kid will never get laid. Ever.

January 8, 2007 at 5:14:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet Tigger fucks like a rabbit.

January 8, 2007 at 5:36:00 PM EST  
Blogger Libby Mae Brown said...

I was just reading an article about this that says, "Monaco took his son to the hospital that night after he woke up with a pain in his neck. 'I'm a little sore and most of the pain is gone because I have medicine,' Jerry Monaco Jr. said."

Are you kidding me? He took the kid to the hospital and some whacko Doctor gave him pain medicine for that? I'm taking Tigger's side 100% in this one. You can tell that kid was up to no good just by looking at his face in that video.

January 8, 2007 at 5:39:00 PM EST  
Blogger Deezee said...

maybe I'm blind, but I think the kid deserved it. he's hanging all over Tigger without even buying him a drink first.

January 8, 2007 at 7:03:00 PM EST  
Blogger Man On The Street said...

Oh, please, it's been well documented about Tigger's anger management issues. The fight in front of the club with his then-gal pal Shannon Tweed? The punch he gave that tabloid photographer at the funeral for Christopher Robin? And who can forget the almost daily calls to the cops from his first wife, Tawny Kittean? It was only a matter of time before this psychopath lashed out as some innocent member of the public. Geez, what a curly-tailed asshole. I hope they sue the pan...um, the stripes off him.

January 8, 2007 at 8:36:00 PM EST  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Another lawsuit for money. What was the little ass-wipe doing behind Tiggers back? If you have SEEN the video the kid is still smiling after the alleghed "sucker-punch" the dad says his son got. The kid is acting it up and there is no way in the world he's going for the Oscar. Daddy wants money and will take every advantage to get it. Even use his little punk son to lie, cheat and steal. Shame on you Monacos. Shame Shame Shame. and the shyster lawyer who took the case. What bus did he advertise on? I doubt that Tigger was even intending on connecting with the little ass-wipe. He was unbalanced and was trying to keep on his feet. I am just disgusted.

January 8, 2007 at 10:37:00 PM EST  
Blogger sleepyrn said...

Give me a break. The twerpy kid was pulling on poor Tigger's back or head or something. He had him completely off balance and Tigger was just trying to stay on his feet. I watched the video without the sound on and can tell the kid and the father are scum without even hearing them speak. The hospital??????? You have Got To Be Kidding Me!!!!!

January 8, 2007 at 10:53:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jay said...

I just think it's great that kid will be a laughing stock for the rest of his life. Without the film it could have been a whole story about how he kicked Tigger's ass, but now he's just the wimp that was assaulted by a Disney character.

January 9, 2007 at 2:07:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tigger looks like he is merely flailing about trying to keep his balance while the little twerp is trying to pull him over. Punch my ass. Plus the twerp has that grin on his face the whole time.

January 9, 2007 at 9:42:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, you all ain't nothing but a bunch of Tigger lovers.

January 9, 2007 at 10:30:00 AM EST  
Blogger Kelly said...

DJs were talking about it this morning on the radio, and there's a clip of the father saying "The VP of Disney has apologized to me, the manager of the park has apologized to me, but Tigger hasn't stepped out of his costume - been a man - and apoligized."

Crazy fool! Tigger is a t-i-g-e-r. Not a man. Geez.

Also - I would be interested in seeing that "Intervention" episode.

January 9, 2007 at 10:46:00 AM EST  
Blogger The [older] sister said...

I take exception to your characterization of our father - you know darn well if Tigger had ever sucker punched you, Dad would have bricked him up in a wall so fast it would leave your head spinning. And you know what else? It would be the most fabulous masonry job you'd ever seen!

You were, however, always a bit small for your age.

January 9, 2007 at 4:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger Cali-Burgher said...

Looked like a puff pat to me, rather than a punch.

January 10, 2007 at 3:05:00 PM EST  

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