Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Jazzercise In The Face Of Death

Climbers relied on exercise, pep talks

SALEM, Ore. - The three hikers rescued after a fall and an icy night on Mount Hood said Wednesday their survival techniques included exercise and pep talks.

Climber 1: “I’m so thirsty. Do we have any water left?”

Climber 2: “No, we ran out a couple of hours ago.”

Climber 3: “Why don’t you go for a run? That will help.”

Climber 1: “I don’t know, I’m not a very good runner . . .”

Climber 2: “Stop it! You are a terrific runner! I saw you run that one time we were at the beach and you looked great. Now go sweat out all that thirst and insecurity!”

Climber 1: “You got it!”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just because its Wednesday doesn't mean you have to write the suckiest post ever.

Boooooooo This post!!!

Lets just hope that Thursday's is better.

February 21, 2007 at 2:59:00 PM EST  
Blogger Brandon said...

True Fact: Mt. Hood claims more victims whose only climbing equipment turns out to be a six pack of Steel Reserve and a soft pack of American Spirits than any other mountain in probably the world. In fact, I think these folks were 'rescued' by a seeing eye dog whose owner had returned to the United Way Senior Center of Multnomah County van to replace his coat with a North Face windbreaker.

February 21, 2007 at 3:02:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boooooooo You Brandon!!

February 21, 2007 at 3:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

A-1, is that a threat?

I will throw down for Dan.

February 21, 2007 at 3:17:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

miss nines,

You can't deny the high level of suckiness in today's post.

Not so much of a threat. More like, a pep talk from a drunken Irish dad.


February 21, 2007 at 3:23:00 PM EST  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

It doesn't have to be long to be good (that's what she said!).

Think of this post like a blog Haiku, except that Dan is not Japanese and is mysteriously enraged zen Koans.

February 21, 2007 at 3:39:00 PM EST  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Why does Mount Hood sound like the title of a porn?

Just me? ok.

February 21, 2007 at 3:43:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dan, it really did suck today. Try harder.

February 21, 2007 at 10:14:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't listen to A-1. He is just an A-hole.

February 21, 2007 at 10:27:00 PM EST  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

I laughed - nuff said!
Sailor scout

February 21, 2007 at 11:37:00 PM EST  
Blogger Boobs Radley said...

i hope their pep talks were liberally sprinkled with "whoa, bayside!"-style huddles.

February 22, 2007 at 12:35:00 PM EST  
Blogger nyeK said...

I expected them to eat the dog.

February 22, 2007 at 2:31:00 PM EST  
Blogger tammy said...

Jeez, people. Give the guy a break. It's not easy to write when your girlfriend is getting her fetish on.

February 22, 2007 at 3:21:00 PM EST  
Blogger Caitiedid said...

re: the dog -
"She'll get some extra dog treats," Bryant said. "Maybe even a nice bone."

I'll bet she will, Bryant.
I'll bet she will.

February 22, 2007 at 4:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Devylish said...

I dig your writing Dan.. you're a funny guy.. but personally, I think it's rather tacky to poke fun at a situation like this. A friend of ours lost her husband along w/ 2 other climbers on Mt. Rainier a year or so ago. The climbers on Mt. Hood were experienced, but luckily the 5 that fell over the ledge had the dog to keep them warm. It saved their lives. They knew the risks of winter climbing, but still.. it's sort of cruel to make fun of people who probably wondered many times if they'd live to make it off the mountain. Just my opinion tho.

February 23, 2007 at 3:48:00 PM EST  

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