Monday, February 5, 2007

The Super Bowl

prince superbowl

I won’t even bother talking about the game itself because not only would the majority of my readers not care, but because I didn’t get my bets in on time so even I barely cared. Still, I was all prepared to wake up this morning and write a “best and worst Super Bowl commercials” post. Unfortunately, the word “best” has been commonly used in the English language for some time now (I looked it up) to denote things that are better than good. And I’m not prepared to either change the definition of the word “best” or use it in reference to any of the ads I saw yesterday. So in the alternative, my new list will be called:

O.K. and Worst Super Bowl Commercials (Get excited!)


CareerBuilder: Office Jungle – I see what they were going for, but I just don’t think they got it right.

Would have been better if: they included outtakes, like a monkey throwing a banana right in an actors’ crotch. Everyone loves monkeys!

GM: Robot – At least everyone in the room was interested and cared when the robot seemingly plunged to its death.

Would have been better if: It was a real person losing its job to a machine. And after he jumped off the bridge, he didn’t wake up. Because it wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare. A real nightmare. – I can’t believe this company had the balls to put that commercial out there. You have to applaud them. It’s like the school nerd asking the prom queen to dance. She still says no and laughs, and he still cries, but you can’t look away because you’re laughing too.

Would have been better if: at the end, they cut to a scene of a conference room where it turns out the CEO was previewing the commercial. As the pitchmen nervously look on, the CEO says, “Well I think it sounds great!” then stands up, grabs his seeing eye dog, and leaves the room, not before knocking over a plant.

Coca-Cola: Grand Theft Auto – For no other reason than the part where the guy puts his jacket on a homeless guy and pushes him into a convertible full of scantily clad girls, prompting a confused look on my friend Matt’s face as he says, “That’s not very nice.”

Would have been better if: there was a follow-up segment where all the girls from the car are sitting in the police station beaten and covered in blankets, and the officer who takes their statements offers them a Coke.


Every other commercial tied for last place. Doritos, Sprint, FedEx, all of them. Especially Bud Light. In fact, I’m never drinking Bud Light again.* I understand that their core demographic is [dumb] 21-35 year old guys, but an auctioneer wedding? Different ways to ask for a Bud Light, depending on what nationality you want to make fun of? It was just brutal. The one ad that seemed it might have promise was the one where the couple picked up the guy with the ax on the side of the road. But even there they didn’t have to guts to make it funny, like have the ax murderer driving the car at the end with a big duffel bag in the back seat, and then he gets pulled over for, what else, DRUNK DRIVING! Get the irony?

superbowl proposer

The biggest letdown, though, was a commercial that didn’t air. All week I had been telling everyone about this guy who was going to propose to his girlfriend on a commercial during the Superbowl. He had lined up an advertiser to front the $2.5 million and had recorded a 30 spot in which he professed his love and asked her to marry him. Everyone I told seemed legitimately excited about it. Then, come the fourth quarter, everyone started saying, “Dan, why do you lie so much? Why would you make that up?” And there you go – suddenly I’m the bad guy because I believed something I read in Sports Illustrated.

This morning I set out to prove to my friends that while I may lie to them about many other things, this wasn’t one of them. So I did some research, which involved two or three minutes of Googling things and then sitting here at my desk, looking out the window and coming up with various scenarios, both plausible and implausible. Here is what I discovered:

Apparently, this guy’s advertiser backed out on him at the last minute. However, there was already a video made and ready to air, and, at the very least, it was supposed to be uploaded to, along with the rest of the Superbowl ads. What the mystery boyfriend is now saying is that instead of posting it on the internet and ruining the surprise, he is buying ad space himself from his local syndicate of the CW so the commercial will air during his girlfriend’s favorite show, “Veronica Mars.” This way, instead of 100 million people watching him propose to his wife, a few thousand viewers will watch instead.

Now, a few things:

Already there is talk that this was one big hoax perpetrated by CBS to get women to watch the Superbowl. And, indeed, there were more than a few comments at his website from women saying, “The only reason I watched was to see your commercial.” This, however, seems absurdly underhanded for a station like CBS. Likewise, it seems absurdly pointless, considering that I was the only person in the room who had heard about it (so it couldn’t have been prevalent enough to have a discernible impact on the ratings). Also, I may not have this right, so someone correct me if I’m wrong, but when they play the Superbowl again next year, it will still be football. So my guess is, advertisers, who can’t even seem to buck the trend of talking primates, won’t buck the popular trend of targeting [dumb] males ages 18-35 with their ads just to include a few women who were tricked into watching sports.

On the other hand (God, is this what “real” writing is like? It takes so long.), you mean to tell me that this guy thinks it will be equally as cool to propose to his girlfriend during “Veronica Mars” as it would be to propose to her during the Superbowl? “Veronica Mars”? That’s not even “The OC,” which would still be lame. Why not just propose to her during “NCIS” or a repeat of “Friends” on TBS? Because when it’s all said and done, if somehow this is all still a big surprise to her, and maybe she is impressed by him asking for her hand in marriage during “Veronica Mars,” he’s still going to have to tell her the story of how he had originally planned on doing it during the Superbowl. Which is like telling her he tried really hard to rent a chateau in the south of France for the honeymoon, but it didn’t work out so instead they’re going to Niagara Falls. I just don’t see all the pieces fitting together on this thing.

If I learn anything more about it, I’ll post the updates. And if anyone knows any more than I do, comment or send me an email. Because I don’t mind my friends thinking I’m a liar, I just don’t want them thinking I’m a liar about such gay things as this.

* This proposition of course discounts any scenarios wherein Bud Light is the only option for an alcoholic beverage or where it is being given away for free. Or where it is happy hour and my choices are Budweiser or Bud Light. Or if I am at a party and someone gets two Bud Lights from the refrigerator and the person they got the second one for has gone missing by the time they get back, and I am too lazy to get up from the couch, so I take the second Bud Light.


Blogger kate said...

The dumbest part of that Bud Light ad was that ALL the guests stampeded to the beer when the auctioneer was done. Did this couple meet at AA? I mean, I know a lot of guys in their 20s, and, sure, beer is a priority…but parents of the bride? The flower girl? All the seats emptied! Clearly I’m still not over it.

February 5, 2007 at 4:36:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Nines said...

I drink Bud Light when I'm the designated driver. It's slightly less embarassing than ordering a Zima.

February 5, 2007 at 4:47:00 PM EST  
Blogger DevilsHeaven said...

I'm so used to not paying attention to the commericals, I missed several. However, the Office Jungle ones, BF and I looked at each other and said, "What did they say?????" You couldn't understand what was being said.

February 5, 2007 at 4:58:00 PM EST  
Blogger Rebecca said...

My main problem with the coke commercials was that I'd seen them before. And being a major corporation and NOT having a new commercial shown on the freaking Superbowl when, let's face it, 65% of the people watching are only watching for the commercials? Unacceptable.

As for the proposal, at least Veronica Mars is only, what? An hour? Better than wasting a whole 3 1/2 hours on bad commericals. Now, if he proposed during Gilmore Girls, he'd totally be okay with me. Well, minus the whole making the proposal a hugely embarrassing moment for a girl.

February 5, 2007 at 4:59:00 PM EST  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

OK I LOVED the LIon one

Carrrrne Asada...

February 5, 2007 at 5:02:00 PM EST  
Blogger DannyNoonan said...

I liked the NFL commercial at the 2-minute-warning. The one with Favre. Maybe I'm easy to please, but it tore at my heart-strings (what are heart-strings by the way?). The set-up was perfect; fans looking sad because football season is over with New Orleans-style wake music in the background (And let's face it, we are sad that football season is over). The words, "It's hard to say goodbye" or something like that. Then it cuts to that old gun-slinger, looking a bit grey and spinning a football with that Favre smirk on his face. The words, "Harder for some than others" or something like that. That put a smile on my face bigtime.

February 5, 2007 at 5:37:00 PM EST  
Blogger Jenni said...

First of all "Bravo" on posting Prince as your opening photograph. I found the sheet with his guitar quite phalic, however I did refrain from making fun of it, or him because he is my down-home Minnestoa boy.

Gotta love him just for that.

Secondly, the only commercial I liked was the one where the white dog got to ride in the fire truck because he was down on his luck and splashed with mud from a passing car. Who doesn't love dogs that are down on their luck and then get to ride in the big firetruck?

It gave me a nice warm fuzzy.

February 5, 2007 at 6:10:00 PM EST  
Blogger A. Dubz said...

I heard about the "super proposal", and kept an eye out last night to see what all the hype was about. I was confused when I didn't see it, since I read a few articles promoting the commercial. Did they find out who the jackass sponsor was that backed out on this poor guy last minute?

And your first picture of the blog points on something I found disturbing last night, and not just because it's 4'6" Prince squealing in the rain.

February 5, 2007 at 7:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger Ki Two said...

Thanks for not really praising any of the commercials. Some were decent, but they haven't really stacked up to those in years past.

I did like the pet shop characters "clicking" the mouse in an attempt to access The mouse's squeaking at the beginning was a little too intriguing...

February 5, 2007 at 8:57:00 PM EST  
Blogger C.R. III said...

From everything I've been hearing (well, really, just the selected websites I usually crawl), I should've lifted my self-imposed moratorium on televised sports and watched the kick-ass action and excitement.

I am referring to Prince, of course.

Yes, the 5'1" Jehovah's Witness superfreak himself is our generation's James Brown. Don't try to deny it, either. And the phallic stuff? I'm pretty sure it was deliberate.

When it comes to the choice between a Bud Light and, say, a Red Bull and Vodka, I simply ask myself, "Which one contains less of Chuck Norris' urine?" The answer, of course, is Bud Light (though not by much...)

February 5, 2007 at 9:00:00 PM EST  
Blogger Libby Mae Brown said...

I'm with you that the commercials mostly sucked. However, did you see the Bud Light rock/paper/scissors one right at the beginning of the game? I would have to add that one into your list of "ok" commercials.

February 5, 2007 at 9:19:00 PM EST  
Blogger Meredith said...

a) is it just me or is Coca Cola totally racist?

b) I doubt I'm going to convince anyone, but netflix Veronica Mars starting from the beginning and I guarantee that it will seem like a much bigger deal. in fact, it will become such an obviously big deal that no one would dare interrupt it for something stupid like a proposal.

February 5, 2007 at 9:22:00 PM EST  
Blogger The [older] sister said...

Ok, am I the only one that saw the Emerald Nuts ad with Robert Goulet??? About how when your blood sugar is low in the middle of the workday, Robert Goulet shows up and "messes with your stuff?"

Go to to watch it. I swear, it was the best part of the game.

February 6, 2007 at 8:38:00 AM EST  
Blogger Homeless Blogger said...

Dude. Did you not see the Emerald Nuts one with Robert Goulet? I peed myself......and my best friend.

February 6, 2007 at 11:23:00 AM EST  
Blogger Alison said...

Wait... a Matt who says "That's not very nice?" (as a catch phrase, almost?) Is his last initial H.? He is a Syracuse grad.?!

PS I even made my boyfriend watch the post show waiting for the marriage proposal, and I HATE FOOTBALL

February 6, 2007 at 11:52:00 AM EST  
Blogger Julie_Gong said...

I like that you now hate Bud Light. It makes me warm and fuzzy.

February 6, 2007 at 1:29:00 PM EST  
Blogger I Can Promise To Try To Try said...

i love that my friends and i are not the only ones who instantly saw prince's shadow show for what it was. i can't wait to see cbs at my next sexaholics anonymous meeting.

February 6, 2007 at 5:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dwight said...

I guess it is all subjective. I liked the Doritos commercial. Hated the Snickers lame-ass gay joke commercial. Come on now, gay jokes can be some of the funniest things, but that commercial was just D.O.A—dumb on arrival. Ugh. Luckily they've pulled it off the air.

February 6, 2007 at 8:11:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Devylish said...

I thought I was watching the wrong game.. how much was a 30 second spot? Most were just.. eh. Tho I have to agree w/ one commenter who liked the dog down on his luck.. it was cute.. adn I didn't see the Robert Goulet one.. that was alright too.. but wow.. they were all pretty average if not bad. I'm so sick of that Coke one. God I hope they replace that one soon.

February 7, 2007 at 1:16:00 AM EST  
Blogger Vegas Princess said...

The Blockbuster ad with the mouse was pretty funny. The sounds that little guy made!

Check out for the reaction video to the guy's proposal. It's really good! He did a good job and she said yes! He also explains to her what happened with the Super Bowl.

February 12, 2007 at 12:25:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...about such gay things as this."

Dude, did you just use the word "gay" as a pejorative?

Not cool man. Not cool at all.

February 12, 2007 at 2:52:00 PM EST  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home