Thursday, May 10, 2007

Blogging: A Fairytale

So Dan’s been neglecting you. He doesn’t write anymore. And now, he’s even having me write posts for him. In some ways, he’s closed off all lines of communication – sometimes not even allowing you, the reader, to comment. And you wonder: Why? Is it me? Am I fat? Does Dan hate fat chicks? No, you are not fat. I mean, you might be. But not everything’s about you. This is about Dan. And the fact that he’s a whore.

What do you mean? Dan’s sleeping around? I thought he was in love with a brilliant girl with beautiful hair? That is true. My hair is, in fact, both bouncy and shiny. But, alas, it’s not the point. Dan is not slutting it up in the conventional sense; rather…

Dan started this blog simply for the joy of writing. And much like a teen experiments with her newfound body (allowing the varsity football player to cop a feel in the hopes that he’ll leave a nice comment…on her locker), Dan, too, gave it up. For free. His only desire: to be loved.

Then just like the teen became popular (after she grew into her body, started drinking to cope with her low self esteem, and gave it up to some guy on the lacrosse team -- lame! -- just because he said she was pretty), Dan, too, became popular.

Then one day, he thought, People really seem to like what I’m writing. I wonder if I could get paid for it? And he could get paid (very little. He’s a cheap whore.)

Now Dan’s been working hard, putting out for money. So when it’s time to relax, and do it for fun, he’s just not in the mood.

And so, unfortunately, Dan has left his readers to get themselves off. But he feels bad for neglecting them. So he sent his girlfriend to do his dirty work. Which means, in the end, he’s more of a pimp. A very sexy pimp.

24 Comments:

Blogger Mozzy said...

Sooooo, what are you saying exactly?

May 10, 2007 at 5:47:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH US???

how about a link to his new writing? or is it not teh funny?

May 10, 2007 at 6:41:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lame

May 10, 2007 at 7:13:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enough about how you two are all into each other.

May 10, 2007 at 7:19:00 PM EDT  
Blogger -J said...

You changed this post. I liked the way it was before with the clever hooker reference at the end. But still cool.

May 10, 2007 at 10:09:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Dan doesn't want us anymore, I think Brooke should adopt redacted!! Brooke is funny AND she has pretty hair. Dan's just funny.

All in favor? Anyone in favor?

May 11, 2007 at 9:23:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous JG said...

How much? I still have some money leftover from the bar.

May 11, 2007 at 9:24:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Enough about how you two are all into each other."

Agreed, the honeymoon's not over yet?

May 11, 2007 at 9:48:00 AM EDT  
Blogger mm said...

I can dig it.

May 11, 2007 at 10:18:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

This may come off as mean because I'm hungover and generally mean, but are you kidding me with "Enough about how you two are all into each other"? Who are you, my ex-girlfriend?

May 11, 2007 at 10:43:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's sweet.

May 11, 2007 at 10:43:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Julie_Gong said...

Quit being assholes.

[That's not to either you or Brooke. That is too all the Anonymous ASS HOLES!]

May 11, 2007 at 10:58:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

trinity67 said - Oh finally I can comment!

Except now I have nothing interesting to say.

Such is life.

May 11, 2007 at 11:03:00 AM EDT  
Blogger [mother] said...

For once, I would like "hungover" not to be in your writings.

Brooke, you've got him down pat.
Good luck.

May 11, 2007 at 11:44:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Lindsay said...

Dan, your mother and my mother should get together and disapprove sometime. They sound as if they'd have a lot in common.

May 11, 2007 at 11:55:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Meow said...

What? I think Dan has pretty hair. Not as pretty as Puppy's, but very similar.

May 11, 2007 at 1:18:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Nick said...

Yeah, I'm not big on "hungover" either. But I definitely like "whore", "sexy pimp", and "slutting it up".

May 11, 2007 at 1:58:00 PM EDT  
Blogger nycaboo said...

can puppy post more then? I like puppy. I think puppy and brooke should share the responsibility, something for everyone!

May 11, 2007 at 4:14:00 PM EDT  
Blogger tamara said...

So sad....I just found this a couple months ago, and have enjoyed reading...then, had to wait while y'all vacationed....then wait s'more...now, he's not writing? Perhaps Dan should consider writing a book?....or co-write one with Brooke...now that would be good (and last longer than a post, too -- quickies are good, and they have their place, but a book's like a marathon....much better in the long run. Pun intended.) Something to think about, hmmmm?

May 11, 2007 at 10:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Alison said...

I'm not over the 'honeymoon' - I've still got that 'aaaw' factor you get when someone's figured out how nice your friend is. It might be a maternal thing, I'm not sure, it's a new feeling.
But I'm sure its the girly in me when I say its still cute.

May 11, 2007 at 11:22:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Margarita said...

She's beautiful AND funny! Fabulous!

May 11, 2007 at 11:36:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Brooke's post was cliche and said nothing of interest or importance.

May 12, 2007 at 1:44:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Tatterdemallion said...

I liked it. A lot. :).

May 13, 2007 at 12:21:00 AM EDT  
Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Is he really getting paid for writing now? Congrats! I'd like to do that too, but I'm scared I wouldn't have fun writing anymore, like him.

May 13, 2007 at 10:21:00 AM EDT  

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