Blogging: A Fairytale

So Dan’s been neglecting you. He doesn’t write anymore. And now, he’s even having me write posts for him. In some ways, he’s closed off all lines of communication – sometimes not even allowing you, the reader, to comment. And you wonder: Why? Is it me? Am I fat? Does Dan hate fat chicks? No, you are not fat. I mean, you might be. But not everything’s about you. This is about Dan. And the fact that he’s a whore.

What do you mean? Dan’s sleeping around? I thought he was in love with a brilliant girl with beautiful hair? That is true. My hair is, in fact, both bouncy and shiny. But, alas, it’s not the point. Dan is not slutting it up in the conventional sense; rather…

Dan started this blog simply for the joy of writing. And much like a teen experiments with her newfound body (allowing the varsity football player to cop a feel in the hopes that he’ll leave a nice comment…on her locker), Dan, too, gave it up. For free. His only desire: to be loved.

Then just like the teen became popular (after she grew into her body, started drinking to cope with her low self esteem, and gave it up to some guy on the lacrosse team -- lame! -- just because he said she was pretty), Dan, too, became popular.

Then one day, he thought, People really seem to like what I’m writing. I wonder if I could get paid for it? And he could get paid (very little. He’s a cheap whore.)

Now Dan’s been working hard, putting out for money. So when it’s time to relax, and do it for fun, he’s just not in the mood.

And so, unfortunately, Dan has left his readers to get themselves off. But he feels bad for neglecting them. So he sent his girlfriend to do his dirty work. Which means, in the end, he’s more of a pimp. A very sexy pimp.