Monday, May 14, 2007

Levels of Douchebagness, From Least to Greatest

Level One: The guys holding the blue velvet ropes.*

Level Two: The guy in the middle of the blue velvet rope rectangle.

Level Three: The marketing director for EOS airlines, who decided it would be an innovative, eye-catching campaign feature to send out a bunch of douchebags to march around overcrowded streets forming a large, velvet-roped rectangle around one particular douchebag to suggest how roomy their planes are.

I don’t have a picture of him, but I assume he looks like this:

Bonus Level: This guy, who may be the first black douchebag ever.

* Before I recently purchased one, I used to think camera phones were lame. Just like I thought Clap Your Hands Say Yeah was overrated until I started listening to them and that girl in my British Literature: 1650-1870 class was ugly until I got drunk one night and made out with her at the bar. It’s not that my opinions are shallow and entirely self-centered, it’s just that there are so many things in this world that you have to form an opinion on and I have found that not liking something is an easier default than liking something. That way there is less responsibility to explain yourself. You have to have reasons for liking something, but you can always not like something because “It’s stupid.”


Blogger Kelly said...

Reading through the comments on the 'Neglecting' post showed that there are a few douchebags who write comments. If they were surrounded by men holding blue velvet ropes, their levels of douchebagness (douchebaggedness?) would reach insurmountable heights!

*Camera phones are excellent sources of funny. Something's happening and jotting down the idea wouldn't be enough? Grab your phone. Not lame at all.

May 14, 2007 at 4:07:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mr. Shain said...

Actually, my dad was the ad-exec for that EOS campaign. He cried a little bit after I showed him your post. You made a 54 year old man cry. How douchey.

May 14, 2007 at 4:29:00 PM EDT  
Blogger blythe said...

i took some pictures of your dad crying on my camera phone and created a montage set to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

May 14, 2007 at 4:44:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Hoosier Joe said...

Well said, Kelly. Although, I think "douchebaggery" is the term you're looking for.

And I totally agree that opinions change. I used to think Carlos Mencia was lame. Now I think he's the antichrist.

May 14, 2007 at 4:46:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mr. Shain said...

Carlos Mencia AND the Antichrist are both lame--as is Blythe for taking pictures of my dad crying.

My dad said the original idea for the blue ropes was to surround a commuter at random and escort him/her to work with the blue ropes. However, one of the douche-rope holders was maced by some bitch on Lexington so they canned that idea and decided to do something so douchey all the NY bloggers would write about it and explode the whole viral marketing thing.

So, way to go Dan--you're EOS’s bitch now.

May 14, 2007 at 5:04:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Shain:

You're a big liar. Your dad's not an ad-exec. If you call Dan a bitch again, I'll make you cry. Like your dad.

May 14, 2007 at 5:15:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mr. Shain said...

Actually, I have two dads, and if you’re making fun of my dads because they’re gay, then you’re gay (but in the pejorative sense). Sometimes real men cry, like when they watch Steel Magnolias or have to fly to Tokyo in coach. That’s why EOS is so great, because occasionally being a douche means getting more leg room.

I love you Dan, you’re nobody’s bitch. Except puppy; he’s got you whipped.

May 14, 2007 at 5:48:00 PM EDT  
Blogger blythe said...

if you're watching Steel Magnolias while flying to Japan, is it subtitled or dubbed?

May 14, 2007 at 6:05:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't knock it until you try it. I think you secretly walk around acting douchey and expecting a nice velvet rope of protection but instead of body guards you call your nice epidermis of hate (drumroll please.....)......a blog spot......

May 14, 2007 at 6:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mr. Shain said...

It’s not such a secret when I’m wearing my “I’m kinda a big deal” t-shirt (also matching bumper sticker on the Volvo).

Definitely dubbed, the Japanese don’t speak Engrish. This would lessen the cry-impact however as I would be giggling through all the serious parts because Julia Roberts is speaking Japanese. Also, I’d be thinking about anime porn a little. I just would.

May 14, 2007 at 6:20:00 PM EDT  
Blogger WiscoBlonde said...

You realize the guy on the phone needs a bluetooth headset to elevate him to true douchebag status, don't you?

May 14, 2007 at 8:35:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous eric the beehivehairdresser said...

Wait until the next new Mind of Mencia, Carlos will have completely ripped off the whole EOS/Douchebaggery campaign for himself.

May 14, 2007 at 9:55:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dwight said...

Woohoo! Thank goodness that last guy is the first black douchebag ... so at least I won't get that distinction!

May 15, 2007 at 12:52:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Some Chick said...

I think I know the guy in the first picture, the guy closest holding the rope! Ha ha ha ha. His name is Al, he's an actor.

May 16, 2007 at 11:36:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous anandamide said...

first black douchebag ever? are you forgetting:
-carl lewis
-dwayne wayne
-jesse jackson
-that band that did "cult of personality" back in the 80's
-randy jackson

May 17, 2007 at 11:30:00 PM EDT  

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