Friday, May 25, 2007

Q&A Friday!

Q: “What better way to celebrate Memorial Day weekend than with a great Q&A post?”

A: “Having a barbecue, drinking, going to the beach, taking in a ball game, the movies, staying a bed and breakfast, enjoying the company of friends, visiting a museum, and not reading blogs.”

Have a great, long, memory filled weekend.

If a married woman gets invited to a orgy party by a male friend, would she be viewed as a slut, or damned cool? And does motherhood status, religious practice/faith, age come into play with any part of the answer?

There are many questions to factor in here: Were you invited with a guest? Do you have a gift for them? Did they bring a gift to your last orgy? These are all pertinent things to ask.

However, I think that, like all questions of “slut” vs. “cool,” this comes down to how attractive the woman is. If you are hot, you are cool; if you are tore up from the floor up, you are a slut. (I don’t make the rules, I just propagate them.)

Also, moms, Christians and old people should all be relegated to niche porn status in regards to threesomes. While I acknowledge that these things do happen in real life the south, I simply can’t get behind an old, married church-going woman taking part in a threesome. (But that may just be because I prefer being the meat in the sandwich and not the bread.) The proper thing to do is to check the “I [ ] will [X] will not be attending your orgy” box and instead send a small present (perhaps this) as a show of thanks for the invitation.
Do I have a responsibility to sabotage the education (i.e. graduation) of a teaching-student who says "... for instance, on the way here I did 100 in a 60 zone so I could get to class on time. Like, it's illegal but it's not wrong...” Should this kind of person really be in charge of children?

Ever yours, Pedestrian.

Responsibility is a tricky thing. For example, if I hit a homeless man with my car, some people may say I was responsible for his death. But it wouldn’t have happened if he was at home and not rummaging through that garbage can on the sidewalk. So it’s a gray area.

Likewise, it’s hard to judge who should or should not be in charge of children. I mean, most them are lost causes anyway. Besides, the teaching-student brings up a good point with their argument. One could easily apply their logic to my example above:

“I hit a homeless man with my car. It’s illegal, but it’s not wrong.”

In fact, this could be revolutionary. The philosophical differences between man made laws and moral judgments have never been so clearly delineated. I refuse to follow your rules. I will follow my rules. I think in essence this is what Camus was going for in The Stranger, only it is clearly more developed here. Forget about this person graduating, get them into a think tank!
Dear Dan,

I met up with a neighborhood business owner / acquaintance last night for happy hour. After deciding where to go we sat down and ordered a drink and some food. While waiting for our appetizers to arrive she mentions to me that she only has $20 and may need to get more money. Just as she finished saying this the waiter walks up and so I ask him if the Coronas (this is what she ordered) are on happy hour he says "no, they aren't" and then I ask him how much they are and he says "$4.75". As he walks away I look at back her and she is obviously distressed. She looks at me with her mouth open and says "I am so embarrassed, I can't believe you just asked how much things cost. I am a business owner in the area and I don't want people thinking that I care about the price of things!" I look at her stunned because I can't understand how asking the price of something would be a problem or reflect negatively on the person asking it. I convey my thoughts to her and she replies "we are not at McDonalds!" and she continues "I worked in nice restaurants for years and I would be offended if someone asked me the price of a beer!" Stilled stunned I mention that I have also worked in restaurants in the past and that I wouldn't have had a problems with this. I apologize but also reply "we will have to agree to disagree because I don't think that I did anything inappropriate" and then I add "I guess this is our first and last drink together." After an awkward silence we managed to finish our apps and drinks and part with a "see ya".

Now to my question: Is this woman crazy or am I?

This woman owns a business across the street from me; Denver, CO

If you didn’t read that whole thing, don’t worry. I didn’t either. I just skipped to the part that started, “Now to my question . . .” But after sitting here for 20 minutes trying to deduce which one was crazy, that woman or the person who submitted the question, I realized that maybe I needed a little more information. It’s like I was saying before about responsibility. “If a homeless man–“ (I like using homeless men for my examples because their importance doesn’t overshadow the importance of my writing) “If a homeless man gets fed up with not having a home and breaks into a normal person’s home and steals their internet and submits a question to me, do I have a responsibility to read the whole thing and answer it?” And I think I do, because there is a reason they are called homeless people. Even if they don’t look, act or think like us, they are still, biologically speaking, “people.”

Anyway, the important thing here is that I’ve downed two iced coffees so far this morning and I couldn’t stop writing right now even if I wanted to. And to summarize the question above: “Is it uncouth to inquire as to the price of an item at a restaurant if there is no price listed on the menu?” I say no, it isn’t uncouth. I say that if you are going to charge me $8.50 for a side of guacamole, I have the right to make you say it out loud, to make you hear the absurdity of your own voice when you try to tell me with a straight face that half an avocado and some lime juice requires an 800% mark-up. Where I would draw the couth line is at, upon hearing the price, standing up from your seat, throwing your napkin down and proclaiming, “That is an outrage! I’m an American and I will not be raped in your restaurant in the presence of (sweeping arm gesture) all these people.”

Besides, judging by the fact that she is a business owner and you are willing to never have drinks with her again over such a small argument, I assume this woman is not attractive and you have no desire to sleep with her. Unless you are one of those people who “makes friends,” follow this rule of thumb: In arguments, the other, ugly person is always wrong. If, on the other hand, they are attractive and you want to sleep with them, then they are still wrong, but you tell them you are right, and in the back of your mind you think they are wrong. Then, years later, when you finally can’t take it anymore, you tell them that they are wrong and you get a divorce.

(Think you’ve got what it takes to have a questions? Email me at


Anonymous dave said...

You crack me up, little buddy!

May 25, 2007 at 1:39:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Brilliant! *stands up and claps*

May 25, 2007 at 4:23:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Kate said...

I can't believe that woman flipped out about asking the price. I'm not certified to answer these questions (is there a course?) but I will tell you that she is nutso and she's the one that was bitching about money and you were trying to ease her mind.

I don't like her. I won't go to her business when I'm in Denver, which I never am.

May 30, 2007 at 11:32:00 AM EDT  
Blogger sid said...

U're right. Homeless people do not overshadow the importance of your work.

July 11, 2007 at 4:36:00 AM EDT  

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