Thursday, June 7, 2007

Emailing It In: Corresponding With Spammers

From: Jean Martins
To: Brooke
Sent: Thursday, June 07, 2007 1:30 PM
Subject: From Miss Jean Martins

Hello dear,

With profound respect and humble submission, I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Jean Martins, I am the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs. D. Martins. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 12th September 2004. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who traveled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on September 2004, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Five Million, Seven Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$5,700,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire.. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary but legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank

I am just 23 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. Now I want an honest and GOD fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convenient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:

1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transferred to your account and i come over to meet you ?

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immediately I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter. Kind Regards, please reply through my private email above for security reasons,

Miss Jean Martins.
_____________________________________

From: Brooke
To: Jean Martins
Sent: Thursday, June 07, 2007 3:22 PM
Subject: Re: From Miss Jean Martins

Hello Jean,

I am very interested in the story of your father. I remember the fall of 2004 like it was just a few years ago. The very idea of suffering such an irrevocable loss at the hands of a diabolical uncle, no less, sounds truly sardonic.

I once sailed the great seas of the Ivory Coast with my late grandfather, Captain John Hook. This was before he died tragically in a nefarious plot thrust upon him by an overgrown child and a sporadically coy alligator.

Before grandpappy was carried off, he told me about a great treasure buried some twenty thousand leagues under the sea. The booty is worth five billion, six hundred and twenty three thousand pounds and 72 rubbles. ($5,000,623,000. 17).

I went to the British coal/sea mining board with my completely legal claims to the treasure and proposal for its recovery. But alas, I am no sailor, and I lack the necessary equipment to retrieve the amber gold.

As a fellow God fearing citizen I implore you to help me recover my grandpappy's treasure. All I need is:

1. A large submarine.
2. Several shovels.
3. 200,000 dollars in non-consecutive bills deposited to my overseas account.

Please get back to me as soon as possible regarding this most important of matters.

Kind Regards,
Brooke

20 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

so very funny!!

June 7, 2007 at 4:30:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous camille said...

Brilliant!! (Will she respond?) :)

June 7, 2007 at 4:47:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Amanda said...

"I remember the fall of 2004 like it was just a few years ago."

I can't stop laughing over that. You've finally met your match Dan.

June 7, 2007 at 4:50:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous llumsden said...

i can't breathe, this is the funniest thing ever. brooke=genius

June 7, 2007 at 5:01:00 PM EDT  
Blogger JP said...

I just pee'd a little bit!

June 7, 2007 at 5:27:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't think her response was that funny...

June 7, 2007 at 5:50:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Airam said...

Looks like you're not the only one with a long lost relative who has money coming out of their ass and want you to have it all.

June 7, 2007 at 6:08:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone getting the feeling that "anonymous" is probably Dan's ex-girlfriend?

June 7, 2007 at 6:21:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

Awesome. Brooke is way funnier than you.

-A different Dan

June 7, 2007 at 6:42:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not his ex. Just a fan. And I thought "Brooke" was funny as hell in earlier posts.

Something about this one seemed kind of predictable. I just didn't dig it. That's all.

June 7, 2007 at 6:58:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh goodness. Leave it to the french to finally catch on to a scam that has been attempted for almost a decade. I thought the response was funny. Let us know if there is a response Brooke! Dan, your still the greatest!

:Shyia Taylor (anonymous commentor because I myself am too lazy to blog, myspace, whatever..)

June 7, 2007 at 7:41:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Marshmallow said...

Bahahhaahahha, legend! And I couldn't get over the 'remembering 2004 like it was a few years ago' too. Awesome.

June 8, 2007 at 7:38:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous You can call me, 'Sir' said...

I have the money and the shovels and I know where we can rent a submarine. Please send me the wiring instructions for your account.

June 8, 2007 at 8:50:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Fuzzy No Nose Chimp said...

Well played, sir.

June 8, 2007 at 8:50:00 AM EDT  
Blogger DevilsHeaven said...

If you get a response, that would be worth a submarine and some rubels!!

June 8, 2007 at 9:06:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Corporate Casual has a post like this one. It's also hysterical because it went back and forth for a good while! I'm hoping you post Jean Martin's response.

June 8, 2007 at 10:47:00 AM EDT  
Blogger [mother] said...

Well done, Brooke. Well done.

June 8, 2007 at 1:12:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Fever Dog said...

I'd settle for a small to mid-sized sub, if she barters.

June 9, 2007 at 5:39:00 AM EDT  
Blogger jason said...

If you find this kind of thing funny you should read this story that was in the Atlantic Monthly:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200706/cyberscam

or this website:

http://www.419eater.com/

He actually tricks a African scammer into carving a Commodore 64 keyboard out of wood and mailing it to him. It is engrossing stuff.

June 10, 2007 at 12:59:00 PM EDT  
Blogger sid said...

LOL! I absolutely love this fusion of Brooke and Dan's ingenious talent.

July 11, 2007 at 4:13:00 AM EDT  

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