Friday, June 1, 2007

(If My Blog Was More Like The Superficial)
The Loch Ness Monster is shy

The legendary Loch Ness Monster was caught on tape by an amateur scientist in Scotland over the weekend.

I’m no expert, but I know a think or two about the high price of fame. One time I was being chased by a band of paparazzi and had to jump into a nearby river for cover. I held my breath for 14 minutes as I swam to freedom. Of course, once I got to shore there was just another group of nasty photographers waiting for me. And they’re all like, “There he is! There’s the monster!” The monster of love.

Besides, I wouldn’t want to be caught on tape either if I was that fat. I didn’t even know they had lenses that big. It’s like he ate a whale, only at the time the whale was riding Rosie O’Donnell.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, this post sounds like DailyCandy:

June 1, 2007 at 12:41:00 PM EDT  
Blogger undercover celebrity said...

Dear monster of love,
Not that your loch ness monster commentary isn't fascinating and all, but um... it's Friday... where's the Q&A? :)

June 1, 2007 at 12:55:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

What are you trying to suggest, Anonymous, that I am brilliant enough to write both? Could be . . .

June 1, 2007 at 12:56:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous dave said...

That was great. It's a dead on impersonation of Superficial or WWTDD. I could see you writing for them, but could you be that snarky and mean to celebs every day?

June 1, 2007 at 2:01:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am suggesting that the lovely DailyCandy girls might secretly be behind Redacted.

June 1, 2007 at 2:04:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

The lovely DailyCandy girls can get behind [redacted] any time they want! Or maybe they could get in front of [redacted], and then I'll be behind them. You know, whatever makes it sexy.

June 1, 2007 at 2:11:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, your mom reads this.

June 1, 2007 at 2:38:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous stephanie said...

When I watch this, a scene from Jaws 2 pops into my head. Martin Brody has just run into the water, firing his pistol at hapless 70's style beach goers. One of the lifeguards stands up and starts yelling, "Chief! It's bluefish! It's just bluefish! It's a school of bluefish."

Martin squints and looks again as seagulls dive into the water trying to catch a fish.

June 1, 2007 at 6:11:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Bob said...

It's an eel in a 2 foot deep creek and just like that I've stolen the magic from the world and left the magicians and wizards high and dry in their caves and castles and I don't really care because we live in a world where the American Psychiatric Association can hold a convention and take a vote and cure every homosexual in the world! And they did just that back in the 70s, man. Except for the ego-dystonic ones. Took a little longer.

June 1, 2007 at 8:58:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Official Loch Ness Monster Exhibition Centre in Drumnadrochit taught me 3 months ago that there is not enough food in Loch Ness to cater for a monster of Nessie's size...

June 2, 2007 at 5:41:00 AM EDT  
Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Nessie is real. Drunken Scottish people don't lie. I believe in the Chupacabra too.

June 4, 2007 at 4:41:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That looks like the shadow of a bird flying over the lake. Not to rain on the "scientist's" parade or anything. Could also totally be a monster.

June 6, 2007 at 7:50:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gosh darn it, she's not a monster! I wish everyone would stop calling Nessie that.

June 25, 2007 at 7:37:00 PM EDT  

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