Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Inside The Blogger’s Studio


You know you’ve made it when someone wants to interview you. It means they care about you. That they find you interesting. And, most importantly, that they want to sleep with you.

A few days ago, I got an email from Blog Interviewer, a blog dedicated to interviewing bloggers who talk about their blogs. In the world of journalism this is known as “boring,” but in the world of blogging (a world where most writing is good the same way Police Academy is good) it’s downright awesome.

The email from Mike started:

“We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for We'd like to give you the opportunity to give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

This is exciting for many reasons, not the least of which being that I don’t think this blog is enough about me. My motto has always been “More me,” and this fits that thinking perfectly. Not only am I telling you what I said to my mom yesterday, but now you’ll get an opportunity to really understand WHY I SAID IT. What was my motivation? What angst lies behind my tiny observations? What are my dreams? My fears? What would a cross-section of my abdomen look like? MORE ME.

But then the email took a turn:

“It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can be submitted online at [link].”

Submitted online? How is the interviewer going to describe the way cappuccino foam clings desperately to my upper lip online. Wait, what? THERE’S NO INTERVIEWER?!

Nope. Just a bunch of questions followed by big blank boxes waiting to be filled in with my answers. It was sad. It was embarrassing. It was like being interviewed by Rosie from “The Jetsons.” (And on top of it all, when I clicked submit my browser timed out. I half-expected to see an error message reading “UNINTERESTING.”)

But I fought through, hiding my tears, and completed the “interview.” Yesterday, I got the email notifying me that it was posted. I felt like a girl receiving a thank-you call from some guy’s secretary the morning after our first date. And to think, I let him put it in my butt . . .

I won’t let it drag me down though. At least the world will know about [redacted]. They will know that my favorite milk shake is Mint Chocolate Chip (not an actual question). Your job now is to go to the site and give me great reviews. Awesome reviews. Reviews that Roger Ebert would write about an indie movie he didn’t understand but knows he should like. This is for every girl who has ever not gotten a call back even after putting out. (It is also for my ego, which has been fragile after falling in the shower a few days ago.) (Oh, plus I win $50 if you rate me the best. I promise the money will go to something good, like adopting a child from Thailand or vodka. Plus I talked to the guy who is currently in first place and he said if he won he would spend the money on killing kittens. Because he hates kittens. How awful is that?!)

Here’s the link:

Make me stop crying in the shower because when I cry in the shower I lose my balance and fall proud.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you just got caught in the blog version of a pyramid scheme.


August 22, 2007 at 2:41:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

I should have known better. When I saw the picture of the microphone, I thought, "It's a trap!"

Note: Trust your gut next time.

August 22, 2007 at 3:03:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mike said...

Haha, thank you for your interview. One of the more comical responses.

We are actually going to do in depth interviews with some of our top-ten winners each month, so don't worry, you might be able to mention your favorite ice cream next time.

Thanks again.

Mike Thomas
Blog Interviewer

August 22, 2007 at 3:18:00 PM EDT  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

funny funny funny.

August 22, 2007 at 4:43:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Ki Two said...

Good times, Dan. I hope you win that $50 and blow it all on booze like we know you will. The Thai people have good food over their for their orphaned children anyway.

August 22, 2007 at 5:07:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

I missed something - where do I vote for vodka?

Because I like vodka, a lot.

August 22, 2007 at 6:17:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But I fought through, hiding my tears, and completed the 'interview'.”

Dan, are you still trying to convince everyone your Scategories answer was legit?

August 22, 2007 at 10:14:00 PM EDT  
Blogger sid said...

Spend the money on killing kittens? Well I certainly can't allow that to happen. Voting for you as I type .....

August 23, 2007 at 6:40:00 AM EDT  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

I voted for you, Dan, because I won't let the terrorists win. Also, because I am too cheap to pony up $50 out of my own pocket to pay you for blogging.

August 23, 2007 at 11:02:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Eric said...

You're going to mix in something about hiding tears in every post from now on aren't you?

August 23, 2007 at 3:22:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha I love the little "Scattergories" reference. Going over there to vote for you now.

August 23, 2007 at 5:02:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

No No No, you misunderstood me. I will only kill the kittens if I LOSE. If I win, they go free.

August 31, 2007 at 10:27:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Alison said...

I can adopt vodka?

September 3, 2007 at 8:07:00 AM EDT  

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