Friday, August 31, 2007

Remember The Titans (the black football players, not the mythological godlike giants) UPDATED!

A few days ago, I wrote a post about how I’d been tricked into doing an interview for a website. When I received the invitation in my email, I thought, “This is it. After years and years, I’ve finally made it.” I imagined sitting down in a restaurant, eating a comped meal while a reporter asked me questions about my childhood. I knew that I would well up when discussing the death of my first chameleon, Cammy. But I understand that that’s the price of fame.

Well, I don’t need to remind you what went wrong. They hoodwinked me. It wasn’t an interview, it was a questionnaire. A questionnaire designed to make people like them, not me. And worse? It’s a contest. It’s like being a lonely little dog with a respectable amount of writing talent who is picked up off the side of the road by people who say, “Oh, you’re so cute!” and “Oh, let me scratch your belly!” Then suddenly you’re at Michael Vick’s house and none of the other dogs seem to like you very much.

Well you know what? I’m no quitter. Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Life gives you an unexpected blog popularity contest, you make a large cup of coffee. And then you drink it while you pound out a post asking for help.

I need your votes. Currently, I am in fourth place, almost 200 votes behind the leader. This is, by all estimations, an insurmountable lead.

Well I’ve never believed in estimations.

My grandmother once said, “As long as you’re alive, you’ve got a chance.” I don’t know what she was referring to exactly, because when she said it I was in the fourth grade and studying for a math test. Maybe my grandmother was a little senile. All the more reason why I need to win. Not for the money – no, I’m doing it for something more important than money: Pride. Pride in money. I want to be proud that I’ve won money.

And think about it: You have a chance here to be involved in something special. Everyone loves an underdog story. Hello, Seabiscuit? Braveheart? Hannibal against the vastly superior Roman forces at the Battle of Cannae during the Second Punic War? The Little Fucking Engine That Could!? You have a chance to all be victorious underdogs. And more than that, I have a family to feed. And by family I mean my drinking problem.

VOTE HERE: http://bloginterviewer.com/randomness/redacted-daniel-murphy

Come on everyone, say it with me now:

UPDATE!

I’m doing an on-the-fly Q&A Friday to shill for votes. This is me at my lowest. I hope all of you are happy.
_______________________________
A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of $50s out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says, "I have an amazing talent. I know almost every song that has ever existed!"

The rich man laughs.

The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "Okay, how about my daughter's name? Joanna Armstrong-Miller?"

The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

This is a though one. At first I thought of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s classic his “Joana Miller Loves My LSD,” but clearly that’s missing the “Armstrong” portion of the name. The real question is, What’s a rich man doing talking to a poor man? What is this, a psalm? There’s a reason people make money and that’s so they don’t have to talk to people that don’t make money. WHICH IS WHY I NEED THIS MONEY!

If I had to take a guess though I would say that the poor man sang a timeless classic: “Happy Birthday.” Because you can use any name you want in “Happy Birthday.” You get it? It’s a con. Because that’s what poor people do – they con you out of your money. which is why I only give money to people who sing on the subway, because music is pure.
_______________________________
I just clicked on the link to vote for you and this came up:

You have been suspected of cheating the voting system. Please email mike@bloginterviewer.com to be allowed to vote again.

WTF!!

You know in the movies when a scrapy bunch of kids need to raise money to take part in some contest in Connecticut? So they organize a car wash? And they learn to have fun while banding together to achieve a goal? And all the while, some stodgy tight-ass from the "rules" committee stands by with a clipboard? And when the kids wash the last car and rejoice that they have done it, they have raised enough money to enter the Connecticut contest, the judge looks at his watch and says, "Owww, sorry kids. The deadline for payment was two minutes ago"?

Well that's what's going on here.

25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I voted for [redacted], but I also voted for 123ILoveYou, because Derek's blog rocks just as hard as yours.

August 31, 2007 at 11:43:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

Well I spoke with Derek and he said he can afford vodka so it's OK to vote twice for me.

August 31, 2007 at 11:49:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Write a Q & A Friday post and I'll vote for you again.

August 31, 2007 at 12:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

Write me questions and I'll write you answers. On the fly. All day long. You want me to dance for you? I'll dance.

August 31, 2007 at 12:09:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course I voted for you Dan! I casted my vote this morning hopefully to your approval! Shyia

August 31, 2007 at 12:14:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mike said...

Dan,

Your link at the bottom isn't live.

Also, starting tomorrow we're having another cash contest, so if you don't win this month you can try for September.

Mike
Blog Interviewer

August 31, 2007 at 12:52:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dan said...

GODDAMNIT WE CAN WIN NOW, MIKE!

(Thanks for the heads up on the link.)

August 31, 2007 at 1:03:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay! Here's your first question:

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of $50s out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says, "I have an amazing talent. I know almost every song that has ever existed!"

The rich man laughs.

The poor man says, "I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it." The rich man laughs again and says, "Okay, how about my daughter's name? Joanna Armstrong-Miller?"

The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing?

August 31, 2007 at 1:05:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mike said...

No problem...and I enjoy your sarcasm towards bloginterviewer...very funny. I can see why your blog is so popular.

August 31, 2007 at 1:06:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Dan,
I just clicked on the link to vote for you and this came up:
You have been suspected of cheating the voting system. Please email mike@bloginterviewer.com to be allowed to vote again.
WTF!!

August 31, 2007 at 2:32:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Danielle said...

I voted, I'll go home and vote from home, I'll go to the library and vote from every library computer too. I need your happiness with your blog so that I can continue to get my Dan fix. Shamless drooling, I know, but something about [redacted] just gets me through the day.

August 31, 2007 at 3:30:00 PM EDT  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I came here to make fun of you for filling out that questionnaire that everyone else received and deleted, but then you had to go and post that fucking clip from Rudy. I think I was getting misty-eyed even before I pressed "play." So thanks a lot. Hopefully my vision won't be so cloudy that I can't see who to vote for.

August 31, 2007 at 3:48:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Faith said...

I was going to ask if we could vote more than once (because I already gave you a thumbs-up after the first time you posted about the interview...), but I think anonymous at 2:32 answered my question.

August 31, 2007 at 3:56:00 PM EDT  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

im one of those people that hated the movie Rudy and all it stood for.. Hmmmmmm plus it doenst let me vote again.. lol cheater

with love,
sailormoon

August 31, 2007 at 4:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

my bad ...im a blog whore..i jsut went to revote for you and i kinda voted for 15 Minute Lunch guy...he was funny! Talking about his "dick mirror" that his wife has in the bathroom lol hahah it was sooo funny. You should read your competition....still love me?

August 31, 2007 at 4:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mike said...

Dan,

The error was a mistake in my "ban" plugin. Trying to keep a spammer out, but it kept out your user.

Taken down...let me know if you have any more problems.

Best,

Mike

August 31, 2007 at 5:08:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Green said...

I voted once through Internet Explorer, and then my roommate voted for you through Mozilla. So I've done my mitzvah for today (and tomorrow since my roommate is indian and thus her mitzvah get transferred to me).

August 31, 2007 at 9:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger paisley said...

i found you blog over there,,, they sent me a thing to interview,, i haven't don't it,.... but i do like that blog... it makes it easy to over view the blogs it is posting and i found about 8 new blogs of interest... of which one of them is you.... i did vote for you,, and i don't think you should feel bad... throw them in your reader and see if they can help you find some new reads....

August 31, 2007 at 9:37:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Wait, I can't afford vodka. Well, OK -- I can...but not Grey Goose. And Mike never leaves comments on MY blog. WTF?

August 31, 2007 at 10:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

I added you as a link. That's almost like a vote, right?

August 31, 2007 at 10:46:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You Q&A whore. :)

And Sean Austin is awesome! Well, he got kind of tiring in the LOTR Tril.

September 1, 2007 at 1:26:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Dan..

I voted, but I gotta admit...that 15 minute lunch guy is pretty "happenin'"...he got a vote too....umm...so does that mean my vote for you was pointless?

Nancy

September 1, 2007 at 3:20:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I have the very same type of family to feed. It's a thirsty, thirsty family . . .

September 1, 2007 at 5:27:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://shamelessselves.wordpress.com/2007/09/02/vote-for-the-amazing-redacted/

September 2, 2007 at 4:48:00 PM EDT  
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