Thursday, August 23, 2007

Win a Trip To Italy, On Me

Normally I love contests. For the past five years I have been participating in the HGTV Dream Home Sweepstakes, logging on every day and submitting my entry despite overwhelming odds. It was a routine I would do when I got to work: Get my coffee, check my email, enter to win a multi-million dollar house, dream of moving to some place like Lake Lure, NC or St. Mary’s, GA. Go to bed, wake up, repeat.

Obviously I haven’t won yet otherwise I wouldn’t have time to write these articles. I’d be so busy loving life and taking my success for granted. But, despite every inspirational Denzel Washington movie, essential to the human condition is the notion that we can get something for nothing. That we can “win.” Which is why I’m writing this article.

I was in Borders the other day perusing the travel section when I saw an advertisement for the Lonely Planet Trip to Italy sweepstakes. To enter all you have to do is express, in 25 words or less, why you want to go to Italy. And if you write 25 better words than everyone else, you win. It’s that simple.

Now, I write a lot. I love words, and I like to think I’m pretty good (well?) with them. So, since I just got back from Italy myself and will wait to fly back when there are new movies on international flights, I figured I would write few entries for you, the reader, to submit. 25 words may not be a lot, but if you are economical you can convey a wealth of information and emotion. Good luck.

The Pragmatic Entry
I should win because I am a good person. I once performed CPR on a baby seal. I am a Democrat. My wife is paralyzed.

The Sympathetic Entry
The only thing I want before I die is to see Italy. I visited a tarot card-reader; she said I have two months left, tops.

The Impassioned Entry
I have nothing to live for except Italy! The olive fields call my name! My name is Isabel! Which is Italian, if you didn’t know!

The Threatening Entry
You motherf%&kers better make me the winner or I’m going to find out where you live and where your children go to school. I’m crazy!

The Entry My Girlfriend Wrote
Brooke’s so pretty. Like a princess. They have princesses in Italy. She deserves to go there. Cause she’s always right. Always RIGHT. Like a genius.

The Brief Entry

The Nepotisimo Entry
Non sono stato in Italia dalla mia madre morta quando ero giusto un bambino. Faccio male per vedere la mia patria. E la mia sorella.

[Translation: I haven't been to Italy since my mother died when I was just a baby. I ache to see my homeland. And my sister.]

(As seen on For those of you that don’t know, that’s the site I write for sometimes that none of you read, which is hwy you wouldn’t know about it. It’s really confusing.)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am I slow or do you have an alter ego? I've tried to navigate the internets of Travelistic to find you but the efforts have been for naught. Now I see your post was posted by chrisbernier.
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
The Daily Dumper = [redacted] = Dan Murphy = chrisbernier = tater salad?

August 23, 2007 at 6:43:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Airam said...

The Disgruntled Entry:

My life sucks. If I won this trip it would be the highlight of my existence. If I win I'll probably die and can't go.

August 23, 2007 at 7:11:00 PM EDT  
Blogger (Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

Actually, I don't read this damn blog anymore. I only read Travelistic. I just come over here and post stupid crap on your comments. Sorry. I should cease to exist.

August 24, 2007 at 12:32:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Julie_Gong said...

I'd go with The Threatening Entry or Brooke's because those are the most realistic. Although I totally can see you preforming CPR on a baby seal.

August 24, 2007 at 9:33:00 AM EDT  
Blogger sid said...

She/he's right. It does say Christbernier. So either you plariarised that, have multiple personalities or an alter ego?????

August 24, 2007 at 9:38:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Bob said...

I endorse all that is of Italy. Did I tell you I was converting to Roman Catholic.

Protestant? That was last week.

August 24, 2007 at 9:39:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Tara said...

The only thing I can guess is that Chris Bernier is the guy who PHYSICALLY pushes the button to post the entry once you send it to him...? Either way, the whole format of that website sucks. The only possible way that I can find you on there is to search for "redacted" and even then, it brings me all of your posts in no certain order. You should tell them you're not posting there anymore until they get a better format.

August 24, 2007 at 9:48:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Faith said...

If I could afford the time to take a trip to Italy right now, I'd use the Disgruntled Entry from airam (awesome!) or the Threatening Entry. Such a toss-up as to which one would be more appropriate for me at this point!

I'd go look at that Travelistic site, but I have all the confusion I can take in my life right now, thanks.

August 24, 2007 at 2:24:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Paul said...

I'm sure that Dan's feelings are horribly hurt. You could at least pretend you read his blogs on Travelistic. (At the end of the post it says who it's by).

August 24, 2007 at 2:31:00 PM EDT  
Blogger ruby said...

your blog is awesome town.

um, in case you were wondering which kind of town it was.

August 25, 2007 at 3:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Horny Entry: I want to lay every Italian woman in your country. Even the really hairy ones.

August 26, 2007 at 10:55:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The entry was posted on Travelistic by Chris Bernier, who runs the travelistic site. But as it says on the entry, it is "by Dan Murphy of [redacted] fame."


August 27, 2007 at 2:32:00 PM EDT  
Blogger -J said...

You write for two blogs? I barely have time to write one.

August 30, 2007 at 10:27:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anastasia said...

I would see the new face of the moon from an Italian balcony. I would know it's winding streets and heady smells. My heart hesitates...

September 4, 2007 at 4:29:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anastasia said...

Sorry, that was the Poetic Entry... which I should have used! :) I don't remember what boring drivel I gave them when I first entered :(

September 4, 2007 at 4:38:00 AM EDT  

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