Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Day At The Academy of Magical Sciences

Harry Potter: “. . . so then Voldemort comes charging at my on a drago– Oh, hello David.”

David Copperfield: “Hello, Harry. Want to see a new trick I’m working on?”

Harry: “Not right now, David. I’m in the middle of telling a story.”

David: “I’ve got a story that will blow your mind. It’s a story about a disappearing woman, and it goes like this.” (Music starts playing, women start dancing around him.)

David Blaine: “Hey. What’s going on in here?”

Harry: “Dave is showing us his new disappearing woman trick.”

David B.: “Yo, Dave. That stuff’s outdated, man. You need some new material. Here, I’ll show you one. Take off your shoe. I’ll eat it and poop it out whole.”

David: “I’m not letting you eat my shoe, Blaine.”

David B.: “Alright man, whatever you say. But . . . wait a minute. Hold on. Is that your car on top of the flagpole out in the quad?”

Harry: “Haha! Good show, Blaine!”

David: “Oh come on! That is so immature.”

Harry: “It’s alright, David. I’ll get it down for you. Expelliarmus!” (The car falls to the ground.)

David: “Ah shit.”

Harry: “Oh, David! I’m so sorry! It’s just I’ve had a cold lately and my magic is a bit off. I’ll pay for the damages, of course.”

David: “No, it’s not that. I’m the highest grossing magician in history. It’s just that I had a hooker in the trunk.”

Blaine: “Was she dead?”

David: “No.”

Blaine: “Oh.”

Harry: “Probably is now.”

David: “Right.”

Harry: “Shall we go make her disappear?”

David: “That’d be best. Plus I can show you my new routine. I’ve got some great new music. Have you ever heard of this band Evanescence?”


Blogger molls said...

you want to be a wizard, don't you?

October 23, 2007 at 3:50:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd delete that before you ruin your rep.

October 23, 2007 at 4:03:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mo said...

I was preparing myself for a pedophile joke.

October 23, 2007 at 4:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger R.E.H. said...

Wish I could levitate like that. Bet it would be a good way to land the chicks.

October 23, 2007 at 5:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

hahhahaah i love this frieking post. It just came outta left field man! :) ***kisses***

October 23, 2007 at 7:22:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Tony Ritz said...

Day Man or Night Man, who'd you take prom?

October 23, 2007 at 10:33:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Gopapatni said...

Is David Blain presently in the news?
We are presently trying to crack your spell.

October 24, 2007 at 12:16:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is this an admission that you read Harry Potter?

you seem to be TOO familiar...

October 24, 2007 at 3:02:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous suicide_blond said...

im easy..i love any post with hookers

October 24, 2007 at 9:12:00 AM EDT  
Blogger (Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

i think you should turn this into a spec script.

October 24, 2007 at 10:13:00 AM EDT  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

Dan, how did you add the Now Reading/Now Watching sidebar? I'd like to do something like that on my site, but only if it requires minimal effort. So if you could send me the HTML code, plus detailed instructions (and money to pay someone to do it for me, if you're feeling generous) I would greatly appreciate it.

October 24, 2007 at 10:28:00 AM EDT  
Blogger blythe said...

No mention of gay Dumbledore or Gob Bluth? I give this 3.25 stars.

October 24, 2007 at 11:18:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fool! It's Wingardium Leviosa!

October 24, 2007 at 4:51:00 PM EDT  
Blogger SAILOR MOON said...

Heya i was actually going through the Daily Dump: http://thedailydump.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_archive.html

and i found this. I never realized how much problems you went with the "exgirlfriend" It kinda reminds me of the song that No Doubt wrote called "exgirlfriend" You should listen to it. W/ your new g/f you actually sound happier. and you dont call her the "girlfriend" thats probably why you live together now. Hey you never answered the question i left you a few posts ago- maybe you can add it to your Friday Question-athons... tee hee

October 24, 2007 at 7:29:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Scribblerist said...

hilarious. i want more.

October 25, 2007 at 3:52:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Cait said...

You should have had something about the David Blaine face- eyes bugged out, shocked expression, face lightly swaying.

October 26, 2007 at 4:53:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Tessa said...


October 26, 2007 at 7:37:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Airam said...

I'll take Hogwarts magic over Blaine and Copperfield any day.

October 27, 2007 at 12:17:00 AM EDT  
Blogger The Snark DC said...

Ah, but Copperfield makes the ladies disappear all the way to the Bahamas

October 29, 2007 at 1:56:00 PM EDT  
Blogger ByTheWayBetch said...

haha wow that is REALLY funny

you got 10 points for that -- i'm laughing out loud at my computer

November 16, 2007 at 8:59:00 AM EST  

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