Well I had hoped to have a post up much earlier on today about all these awesome new developments taking place on [redacted]. Then a few things got in the way of that. First, my boss gave me a project to do this morning that included numbers (really? on a Friday?) so I didn’t have time to finish developing all the awesome new . . . developments. But also, they’re not awesome. So I’ve had what you might call some roadblocks.
Luckily I’ve never been one to shy away from adversity unless it involved potentially tiring myself, so I spent the last hour coming up with the two new sidebar features: “Now
and it didn’t work. Back to the drawing board.
So this is all you get today. You can check out the new article up at Esquire here, which includes an instructional pooping video that will possibly change your life. I like to think this is how I serve humanity. That, and with Soylent Green.
One final note: I can’t let Brooke’s post go without at least a minimal response. You see, I didn’t buy her a new poster for two reasons:
1. Because I forgot, but 2 is much better I swear.
2. Because where’s the romance in a story about a guy losing a girl’s poster and replacing it? That’s not romance. That’s cold, hard rationale. And everyone knows rationale is the cold bowling ball that cramps one’s weighted loins. Replacement? My heart doesn’t understand the word. What my heart knows is passion, whimsy, danger. Make amends? My love seeks its own justice. And what my love knows (because it prefers wisdom to knowledge any day of the week) is that sometimes a stolen item between two people can be the most unifying of bonds – especially if that item is one’s heart.