Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Daylight Savings Crime

I came across a random article the other day that linked daylight savings time to a decrease in crime rates. Apparently, since most crimes happen in the dark, when we skip an hour ahead in the Spring (essentially lengthening the day) crime rates drop dramatically.

For some reason though, I couldn’t find any data on rising crime rates when we turn clocks back in the winter. And that got me thinking: Let’s say you want to kill someone. What better time is there to do it than the night we turn the clocks back? Think about it. It’s the perfect crime. You shoot someone at 2:59:59AM and immediately it’s 2:00AM. You go home and you’re in bed by 2:15. YOU’VE KILLED SOMEONE IN THE FUTURE. Plus, when you’re grilled by the DA on cross-examination about where you were at the time of the shooting, you’re not lying when you say you were in bed sleeping.

(I’m sure I’m overlooking something, but it seems pretty foolproof to me. I almost want to kill someone to see if it works.)

Then, early this morning when I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t fall back to sleep, I thought about how it would make a great idea for an episode of “Law & Order.” A man kills his twin brother on the night the clocks are turned back and nearly gets away with it because of the messed up timeline and a lack of motive. But the twist comes when Jack discovers the motive at the last minute: 40 years ago the two brothers were born on the night when the clocks were turned back, so even though the brother who committed the murder was born at 2:59AM, and technically the older brother, his twin was then born at 2:01AM, after the clocks had been turned back, and deemed the oldest. And the oldest brother stood to inherit his father’s multi-million dollar business!*

* It seemed like an awesome idea at the time.


Blogger blythe said...

Hello! WGA strike! This is your chance! To make mediocre TV.

November 6, 2007 at 4:30:00 PM EST  
Blogger matty.secrist said...

I'd watch that episode.

November 6, 2007 at 5:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger Mo said...

I've watched enough 'Law & Order' to know that it would work. Send in your script.

November 6, 2007 at 5:22:00 PM EST  
Blogger (Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

you really can make anything interesting cant you?

November 6, 2007 at 5:30:00 PM EST  
Blogger Tessa said...

Fuck Dick Wolf, your ideas are much more clever.

November 6, 2007 at 5:49:00 PM EST  
Blogger valiantqueen said...

I might even get a TV again to watch that!

November 6, 2007 at 6:55:00 PM EST  
Blogger molls said...

brilliant! all you need are a few "chung chung" sounds in there for dramatic effect and voila! television superstardom.

November 6, 2007 at 7:07:00 PM EST  
Blogger Steven said...

You put a little too much effort into that one, Dan.

November 6, 2007 at 11:25:00 PM EST  
Blogger ~ Ms. Cute Pants ~ said...

You just may have found a loop hole...Lets hope potential murderers are not readers of your blog...then again after this revelation, any one of us is in danger of crossing over to the dark side.

November 7, 2007 at 12:00:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah is awesome music.

November 7, 2007 at 7:24:00 AM EST  
Blogger Jenni said...

Can I play the lady who is innocently walking her dog down the street when she discovers the body impaled on a unnecessarily and almost cartoonishly funny pointy fence post?

November 7, 2007 at 10:00:00 AM EST  
Blogger rizabeff said...

*were you high?

November 7, 2007 at 1:49:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Arjewtino said...

I'd record that episode.

And, yes, I mean "record" as in VHS tape and VCR.

November 7, 2007 at 4:12:00 PM EST  
Blogger kc said...

I would definately watch that. It would be interesting. :)

November 7, 2007 at 5:08:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday to you.

November 7, 2007 at 6:03:00 PM EST  
Blogger Holly said...

I've been reading your blog over the last few weeks and it always makes me chuckle...thankyou.

November 7, 2007 at 6:33:00 PM EST  
Blogger Sarah said...

Birthday?! Did you forget to share your bday cake w us? I only care if it was chocolate.

I'm w tim layne on this one. and here i thought i was the only one who could POSSIBLY be that easily amused.

November 7, 2007 at 6:51:00 PM EST  
Blogger Native Minnow said...

Would this work when the clocks "spring forward" as well? I could sit down and see if the logic works, but I'm far too lazy for that.

November 7, 2007 at 8:25:00 PM EST  
Blogger Katie said...

note: this post does not translate well at parties. everyone was like, you read a blog about how to get away with murder?

and I was like, I have to go to cocktail storytelling class now. you guys get a sense of humor while i'm gone.


November 8, 2007 at 6:54:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Cait said...

Maybe it's because I've been watching L&O all day, but I could really see this working out.

Wonder how much they would pay you.

November 8, 2007 at 2:19:00 PM EST  
Blogger Matt said...

It doesn't translate well in an office either. I think I might have scared a couple of my co-workers who, thankfully, aren't in HR.

November 8, 2007 at 5:43:00 PM EST  
Blogger mindy said...

Yeah, what Blythe said.

November 8, 2007 at 11:44:00 PM EST  
Blogger Sothisonetime said...

Look -- it really happened!


November 9, 2007 at 10:16:00 AM EST  
Blogger Dan said...

Let's just hope Law & Order is still on the air 40 years from now to rip the story from the headlines. (Who am I kidding? Of course it'll still be on the air.)

November 9, 2007 at 10:40:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And to think, that whole ghastly affair could have been avoided if we'd just set our clocks two weeks ago, as we were supposed to.

It'd be great if the convict brother, gripped with remorse, sends Ashton Kutcher back in time to make things right, only to have him get sidetracked by Demi Moore.

November 9, 2007 at 1:44:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, it's Daylight SAVING Time, not Daylight SAVINGS Time. Geez.

November 9, 2007 at 3:59:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Cait said...

Crap, somebody found it first. It started:

November 10, 2007 at 6:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger Poodle said...

you are just about my favorite person ever. except for brooke, of course

November 11, 2007 at 10:14:00 AM EST  
Blogger Scott said...

well, I was going to post that CNN video, but I guess I got beat. You better get moving.

November 11, 2007 at 10:27:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hello! WGA strike! This is your chance! To make mediocre TV."

Are you kidding? It was mediocre *before* the strike.

November 16, 2007 at 3:30:00 PM EST  
Blogger Tyson said...

One of Isaac Asimov's "Black Widowers" mystery short stories had this exact plot. I'm trying to remember which story it is - I think it's "Early Sunday Morning" in the collection Tales of the Black Widowers.

November 18, 2007 at 8:43:00 PM EST  
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December 11, 2008 at 2:40:00 AM EST  

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