Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas Wishlist: Volume 2

What: Pathway to the Explorers World Cruise – A 106-day, around-the-world excursion on the Queen Victoria, the brand new super-ship from the makers of the Queen Mary 2.

Why: Because the world is the last great frontier. I’ve been to many great places like Pennsylvania and Florida, and I have dipped my toes in majestic waterways from the Atlantic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico, but I refuse to close my mind off to the possibility that there is something else out there: other places that, while not better than New York, may at least be different.

For example, I’ve never eaten Indonesian food. I don’t even know what it is or where to get it. I could probably just order it from www.indonesianfood.com, but that’s part of the problem: The world has gotten so small that no one feels the need to conquer it anymore. Why travel to Auckland, New Zealand when I have “Flight of the Conchords” on season pass? Why go to Hong Kong when I’ve seen Bloodsport twelve times? I even looked up The Strait of Gibraltar on Facebook, and it wasn’t there, which means it isn’t worth seeing anyway.

But 106 days at sea? Living like a pirate? With an eye patch and a bird, shouting things like “AVAST!” and “I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD” (with a pirate accent), but with amenities and toiletries? If nothing else, it’s a 106-day long open bar. If I didn’t return from this trip with a chest of gold and an exotic disease, I would be surprised and disappointed in myself.

How: How much would you pay for that experience? $200,000,000? $300,000,000? Well then won’t you be surprised to learn that ticket prices start at $21,586. That’s over $199,978,414 off the suggested retail price! When you look at it that way, it’s a total bargain. Except that you’re probably sleeping below deck and sharing a bathroom with the workers or people from New Jersey. And you’ll have to shovel coal into a furnace for a few hours every morning.

Or you could just upgrade to a penthouse for the deeply discounted price of $89,604. With that, you get luxurious amenities like a towel warmer and windows. But at the end of the day, can you really put a price tag on the vast endlessness of the horizon? The sun setting over the cusp of the sea? Having definitive proof that the world is round? And most importantly, sharing a truly unique adventure with your best friend in the whole world, that neither of you will forget for the rest of your life?*

(I’m not sure you can. But if I had to hazard a guess, it would be $203,404 – the price of the ship’s grand suite.)

This year’s ultimate gift giving guide will be spread out over the coming weeks. Keep coming back to stay current on all the awesome gifts for you and your family and me this holiday season.

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* Actually, Puppy would likely forget the entire trip the second we got home. After all, this is the same dog who once forgot halfway through that he was peeing and put his leg down, only realizing what he had done once he started peeing on himself, at which point he hastily lifted his leg again and looked at my embarrassedly, as though to say, “Duh!”

18 Comments:

Anonymous Adeline said...

You've been reading "Ultimate Blogs" for a while now. What are you, slow?

December 18, 2007 at 1:54:00 PM EST  
Blogger mindy said...

You and Puppy make a very handsome couple.

December 18, 2007 at 1:55:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does Dan look like young George Clooney in that photo?

December 18, 2007 at 2:21:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's definitely just you.

December 18, 2007 at 2:28:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dan said...

I don't know, I think they may be on to something . . .

December 18, 2007 at 2:35:00 PM EST  
Blogger Steven said...

Just be lucky if you get socks and underwear, like the rest of us.

December 18, 2007 at 2:41:00 PM EST  
Anonymous You can call me, 'Sir' said...

The picture. It is disturbing.

December 18, 2007 at 4:21:00 PM EST  
Blogger Native Minnow said...

So does that mean puppy is "The King of the World"?

December 18, 2007 at 4:34:00 PM EST  
Blogger Faith said...

I'm afraid to make a comment again, since it might just disappear. But I finally have the time, so I might as well...

A 106 day cruise would be about 101 days too long, I don't care how open the bar is. Bleh.

December 18, 2007 at 4:35:00 PM EST  
Blogger Random Chick said...

What about your poor girlfriend?

December 18, 2007 at 5:25:00 PM EST  
Blogger Miss Mrs...a blog of everyday delights said...

Sign me up! I'm always looking for a bargain ;)

December 18, 2007 at 6:09:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't actually bother reading the post. i just wanted to note that I wish I had your bosoms, Dan.

December 18, 2007 at 9:54:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Lloyd said...

Your cruise-as-bargain (according to MSRP) reasoning seems curiously similar to the idea that you and the brunette scored a deal on that mattress

December 18, 2007 at 10:57:00 PM EST  
Blogger PMJG said...

I can see coming back from that trip with an exotic disease, but how does it get you a chest of gold? If anything, you're already out one chest of gold just from paying for the ticket.

December 19, 2007 at 8:43:00 AM EST  
Anonymous I heart Puppy said...

Any post with Puppy in it is sure winner. Watch out Dan - Puppy is stealing the spotlight! And you do look like The Clooney in that picture.

December 19, 2007 at 9:25:00 AM EST  
Blogger Mickey said...

Better, still, why not take the trip on a freighter for a mere $14,000? Towel warmer will definitely not be included, but you'll probably learn conversational Filipino from your bunkmate by the time the journey ends. He'll also most likely be responsible for your exotic disease.

December 19, 2007 at 10:40:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you're still reading Ultimate Blogs? That seems unlikely.

December 19, 2007 at 4:52:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Vodkamusings said...

OMG I am SO stealing your photoshop idea!

December 20, 2007 at 6:59:00 PM EST  

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