Friday, December 28, 2007

Just In The Nick of Time, The Feel Good Moment of 2007

From time to time, life hands you little moments where you realize, despite the spilled coffee and the missed subway and the growing inability to digest dairy, that you have it pretty good.

This is not one of those times.

After work yesterday I met up with a friend/colleague at a wine bar in the West Village to discuss business. I arrived first and went through the awkward motions of “the guy who gets there first,” slowly taking off my coat, scoping the room without seeming anxious, generally trying to look less self-conscious than I felt and looking more self-conscious in the process. I sat down at the bar and read the menu as though it was a novel, slowly flipping the pages, devouring the information. Anyone watching me would have thought one of two things: That I was a wine aficionado who was either impressed or concerned with the vintage selection, or I was lost and retarded.

Soon after, my friend showed up. We remained at the bar and exchanged greetings before ordering. My friend, being both a connoisseur and the one paying, managed to order a great bottle of Pinot Nero despite the fact that he is married with kids and doesn’t wear an ascot on a daily basis. He did the thing where he asked me what it tasted like and, being one who likes to impress, I made pretend I was concentrating on the flavors after each sip. Then, as he would spout out a word, I would quickly and softly echo it.

Him: “I taste blackber-.”
Me: “Blackberry . . .”
Him: “-ry and cassi-“
Me: “Cassis . . .”
Him: “-s With a hint of . . .”
Me: “With a hint of . . .”
Him: “Oa-“
Me: Orange.”
Him: “-k.”

We stayed for an hour or so talking shop and when it came time to leave he handed his credit card to the bartender and asked for the bill. She came back moments later with two pieces of paper. “This one is for you,” she said, handing my friend the receipt, “and I’m supposed to give this to you,” she said, handing me a small piece of paper folded in half.

My friend looked at me wide-eyed and let out a small breath of astonishment. “Is someone trying to pick you up?” he asked.

I unfolded the paper and read the top portion:

pick up note top

I was floored. I’ve been hit on before by girls, but never this direct (capital H-O-T?), and never in a place that didn’t have vomit in the urinals and a three-for-one Jagermeister special, let alone a classy establishment where you ordered wine by the name, not just the color.

I quickly scanned the room to see if anyone was watching me read the note. There were two girls sitting straight down the bar from us. Was I correct when I thought I caught the blond on the left giggling at me earlier? Yes, Virginia, I think I was. Beaming with confidence, I looked back down at the bottom portion of the note.

pick up note bottom

My first thought was, “What an unusual name for a girl . . .” before my friend looked over my shoulder and asked, “Does that say Eddie?”

It sunk in.

Me: “Yes . . . it does.”
Him: “Maybe it’s supposed to be Edie?”
Me: “If it is, Edie has an odd way of describing herself to strangers.”
Him: “Ready to go?”
Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Still, on the subway ride home I found that I was less disappointed than I thought I would be. After all, not only did Eddie find me attractive enough to go out on a limb guessing I was gay (which isn’t that long a limb considering I was sniffing wine and discussing David Sedaris, not to mention the lighting was totally flattering on my new haircut), but Eddie also went out on that limb while I was there with another guy. For all he knew, we could have been on a date, and my date could have been a wine connoisseur/mixed martial arts champion. So even though I was hit on by “Tall and Handsome Eddie” instead of “Has a Vagina Edie”, I guess in the grand scheme I could have it a lot worse and I could have finished off 2007 without ever being solicited by a secret admirer. Here’s to strong finishes. (Not like that, Eddie.)

Happy New Year everyone. See you in ’08.


Blogger Dana said...

That's awesome. It seems to me that a guy calling you hot is even better than a woman. Especially since you're of the taken variety. Eddie, tall and handsome thinks you're hot. Sweet! If the note had been signed Sarah, plain and tall do you think you'd be so thrilled?

Happy Ego Stroke and Happy New Year!

December 28, 2007 at 3:52:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I have only mentioned my vagina in one post this year ... and yet you have mentioned the word in at least three of the posts I have read today. Colour me moderately impressed, oh gay bait! :)

December 28, 2007 at 4:15:00 PM EST  
Blogger Poodle said...

you are HOT!

December 28, 2007 at 4:15:00 PM EST  
Anonymous vancity girl said...

Dan, every day I love you a little more!

December 28, 2007 at 4:42:00 PM EST  
Anonymous VodkaMusings said...

My roomate and I have a little challenge to give out a note like yours each time we go out together. Well we actually alternate turns, but you get the idea. But I promise we were not in the Village last night....and neither of us are named Eddie!

December 28, 2007 at 8:04:00 PM EST  
Blogger Green said...

Did you check to see if he posted a Missed Connection on CL about you?

In all seriousness, a friend and I once had a conversation where I told her the only attention I ever get from men is the homeless guys who spit at my feet when I walk by, and she said that even if a homeless guy tells her she's hot, she thanks him and is genuinely appreciative of the compliment.

Props to Eddie for throwing himself out there.

December 28, 2007 at 9:59:00 PM EST  
Blogger Plexus said...

That was priceless. Didn't see that one coming. So are you ever going to go back to the wine bar? Was the doofus who bought the mattress by any chance named Edward, or Ed, or Eddy?

December 29, 2007 at 1:53:00 AM EST  
Blogger Ripe for Reading said...

Nice story, Dan. Oh and ONCE is also a great flick!!!

December 29, 2007 at 10:55:00 AM EST  
Blogger Amaya said...

My husband and I were leaving a restaurant with a large group of people when a man stopped him and said "bravo. nice legs!". His response was "uh, thanks."
It's something we still joke about - 3 years later because he left the restaurant beaming. Something about a compliment from a polished/debonair man really boosted his ego. :D

December 29, 2007 at 12:02:00 PM EST  
Blogger A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Like a good wine, you just get better with each passing day.

December 29, 2007 at 4:30:00 PM EST  
Blogger sid said...

I like Eddie's approach. Very bold.

December 30, 2007 at 10:00:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Compliments from gay men are the best b/c they are not the easiest to impress. And I certainly appreciate a man who is comfortable enough to accept a compliment from a gay man. Do you have any gay readers asking for Eddie's number??

December 30, 2007 at 8:07:00 PM EST  
Blogger Mike D. said...

Awesome story - it was hot!


December 31, 2007 at 9:54:00 AM EST  
Anonymous SLC said...

So funny - great, witty writing as usual, Dan! my ex could use some lessons.


December 31, 2007 at 2:29:00 PM EST  
Blogger Chris said...

Lucky bastard. Gay guys never hit on me, and I'm GAY!

December 31, 2007 at 9:46:00 PM EST  
Anonymous winewiseguy said...

I am the OTHER guy in the story, the married-with-children cork dork, and I confess to feeling jealous that I didn't get hit on by Eddie, Edie or the gal slinging drinks.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Dan. I used to be HOT.

January 2, 2008 at 5:47:00 PM EST  
Blogger CJ said...

I'd say that I agree with dana on this one... while Eddie was barking up the wrong tree, it should make you feel a little bit better about the way you trim your bush...
or some other garden type of metaphor.
Don't feel about talking about Sedaris... he's a great writer... and if chatting it up about his publishings makes you a gay man... well it's about time that I come out of the closet then.


January 3, 2008 at 5:11:00 AM EST  
Blogger The Ex said...

Holy Happiness. I'd be flattered if a woman hit on me. Or a man. Or anyone really. Whatever.

January 3, 2008 at 3:10:00 PM EST  
Blogger emertron said...

Ha! This is great. I'm jealous.

A few years ago I got really upset that I'd never been hit on my a lesbian so I asked one I worked with why this was. I said, 'Hey Chris, I've never been hit on by a girl & I feel like I'm missing out, why don't girls hit on me?' So she said, 'Because we know you're not a lesbian'. But the truth is that she was just trying not to hurt my feelings because as soon as I thought about it, I don't get hit on by dudes either.

January 3, 2008 at 3:58:00 PM EST  

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