1. The Underdog Story. Hey, does everyone remember that movie “Little Giants”? Me neither (wink, wink), but apparently it was an inspiring tale about a bunch of misfit football runts who, against all odds, defeat the superpower team from across town. In the climactic, victorious finale, everyone watching the movie cries and their girlfriends get mad at them. But, HELLO, maybe you see a few similarities? “LITTLE Giants”? “BIG, RICHLY PAID Giants”? Starting to ring a bell? I thought so. And yes, I cried. Again.
2. NY /
3. The Commercials Make You Think That You Could Have a Successful Career in Advertising If You Ever Wanted To Not Work As Hard As You Currently Do. But seriously, does anyone have a better job than Will Ferrell? Bud Light Probably paid him $2,000,000 to show up on the set dressed like a clown and spout out a few lines, which he probably came up with on the spot. I can just see the ad people handing him the script and him replying, “I pee on scripts.” And everyone laughing and him saying, “No, really. I pee on scripts.” Then throwing the script on the floor, taking out his dong and urinating on it, finishing off with a few muffled grunts and one pronounced shake and saying “Now let’s do this thing.”
4. Its Educational. If you tuned in late, you unfortunately missed out an informative lesson on the history of the
I will say this, though. The Declaration of Independence has one hell of a publicist. I bet its Facebook page is going to blow up today. I’d call it the comeback of the night, but . . .
5. Paula Abdul. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to see your mom perform at the Super Bowl, you’re in luck. I just don’t see how this decision gets made: For Paula Abdul to want to attach her name to a new song (I won’t even say “sing”), for a record company to want to support Paula Abdul’s comeback, or for FOX executives to think that the Super Bowl was the right venue in which to show off her super-sexy gyrations. I understand there’s the “American Idol” connection with FOX, but if anything that should make them more worried. The worst part? How everyone got really excited when she started off by singing “Forever Your Girl.” Then it was like, “Oh. She’s not singing an old song, she’s covering a Madonna track.”
BONUS REASON! History Making Performances. Sure, the Patriots didn’t blow up the record books with a 19-0 season, but they can hang their hat on the fact that no other team in NFL history has gone 18-1 and lost the Super Bowl. That’s kind of a record, right?
BONUS BONUS LEASON! Racism. I know it’s not technically racist. It’s was just some pandas doing some funny accents. It’s not like they opened up a huge laundromat and drive away at the end and caused an accident on the freeway. But don’t you just get the feeling that something is a little off? Personally, I think it’s the Waspy Genie.