Monday, November 17, 2008

My Justification For Attending The So You Think You Can Dance Tour Last Night

When I was little, my older sister would bully me into playing her games instead of mine. This meant that instead of playing Spiderman and the Deadly Lava Pit of Doom, we would play My Little Pony Goes Shopping. I would cry to my mom that we just played My Little Pony Goes Shopping yesterday and now it was my turn, and besides it doesn’t make any sense because the ponies always buy the same three shirts anyway. (Nevermind that the ponies were wearing shirts in the first place, or that my game involved lava and a man with spider abilities.)

In response, my mom would always say the same thing: Sometimes having fun means sticking your dick in your pack pocket and pretending you have a vagina for a little while.

Of course that’s not what she really said. What she really said was something more like, “Mommy can’t help because she’s busy playing Mommy right now, which, despite whatever your father says, IS A JOB.”

But over the years I’ve read between the lines enough to understand the underlying truth that fun isn’t always testosterone filled nights of laughing at homeless people and climbing things. Sometimes fun is gay. (It’s why they call it gay, after all.) And gay means watching reality TV stars dance around a stage for two hours. It means witnessing a grown man fist-pump a perfectly executed pas de deux. It means being surrounded by so many screaming girls that that you’d think you just crashed a slumber party with a chainsaw. It means, at the end of the day, admitting to yourself that “You Can’t Stop The Beat” from Hairspray is one fuck of a catchy tune, and to say otherwise is to commit self-deception on par with most diagnosable mental diseases. And if having a big dick means anything, it means being true to yourself. Hence, why I attended the So You Think You Can Dance Tour last night.

P.S. For further clarification please refer to banner picture. Oh Kherington, how I ahdore your fhirm tush.


OpenID notsojenny said...

okay, so you justified the show. now how do you justify knowing "You can't stop the beat" from hairspray?

November 17, 2008 at 4:45:00 PM EST  
Blogger Arielle said...

Dude I'm jealous, I wanted to go to that! damnit.

November 17, 2008 at 5:24:00 PM EST  
Blogger jiggins said...

My justification for ever watching this show is being a man who is 30 something and a perv of sorts. I have no issue with that - anymore. While I go out of my way to NOT stick my dick in my back pocket.. i hear ya. Gotta do what it takes sometimes.

November 17, 2008 at 5:41:00 PM EST  
Blogger Native Minnow said...

Jiggins, ain't nothin' wrong with being a thirty something perv of sorts.

I'm just sayin'.

November 17, 2008 at 10:09:00 PM EST  
Anonymous UrbanVox said...

more than justified! hehehehe
nice educational photo/illustration BTW...

November 18, 2008 at 6:17:00 AM EST  
Blogger Kristen said...

This is why I love you. This article right here. And because... you introduced me to So You Think You Can Dance.

November 18, 2008 at 11:01:00 AM EST  
Blogger sid said...

I read all this and ... Brooke bullied you into watching didn't she?

November 19, 2008 at 3:04:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When Dan and I were first dating, he came over while I was watching "So You Think You Can Dance" for the first time. Blushing, I explained that I just turned it on and now I'm kind of hooked.

His response: Ooh, is that a Mia Michael's piece? I love her.

November 19, 2008 at 4:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger jiggins said...

Ahahahahaha! I love it. Good man Dan, good man. Modern men get so abused for their likes and dislikes, when it is this society of women and gay men that shapes the media these days! I love it! keep it up buddy.

November 19, 2008 at 4:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger KMcJoseph said...

That is why I watch that show.

November 26, 2008 at 2:19:00 PM EST  
Blogger Cody Heitschmidt said...

The picture drew me in then the post brought back memories... Excellent.

November 28, 2008 at 10:33:00 AM EST  

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