Presidency Off to Hopeful Start, Except for Pheasants

Washington, D.C. – For decades pheasants have literally flown under the radar – a forgotten poultry in a market dominated by chicken, turkey and duck.

All that changed at 2:08 p.m. this afternoon when CNN broke the news that newly elected president Obama, perhaps the most popular president in America’s history, would be dining on pheasant for his inaugural lunch.

“This is exactly what we don’t need right now,” says Bill Plume, president of the National Pheasant Organization. “President Obama is a very influential American figure. We expect pheasant sales to rise by nearly 50 percent in the upcoming weeks.”

Sources say the pheasant would be served with a sour cherry chutney and molasses sweet potatoes. Apple cinnamon sponge cake rounded out the meal.

“Damnit!” Plume responded angrily when told of the menu. “That sounds delicious.”

When informed that the meal was intended to reflect the simple tastes of Abraham Lincoln, one of President Obama’s heroes, Plume simply shook his head.

“How appropriate,” he lamented. “Because this truly is a meal by the birds, of the birds . . . and for the birds.”