Monday, March 2, 2009

“Hello, Is This The Methadone Clinic? I’d Like To Make A Reservation.” UPDATE!

They were in on it together, and now the gold is all theirs!

Before you decide not to watch the season finale of The Bachelor tonight, do me a quick favor: Pull down your pants, find some sort of torquing device (a ruler, a desk lamp, etc.) and get your friggin' head out of your ass.

I know this isn’t a popular opinion amongst educated people, or hip young kids, or grown-ups with adult values, or minorities struggling against class oppression, or the elderly, but for a particular subset of people who think that love means putting out slowly and believe that once you open a bottle of wine you have to finish the whole thing because “it will go bad”, this is going to be a monumental occurrence. I mean, no less than the New York Times endorses it!

[creator and producer of “The Bachelor”] Mike Fleiss promises that the finale will leave fans hyperventilating. “It’s insane, honestly,” he said. “It’s Chayefsky-esque,” he added, referring to the screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky. “The last hour is pure ‘Network.’ ”

“I don’t mean it’s like his writing,” Mr. Fleiss said. “I mean in the freakishness of it.”

GRAB YOUR INHALERS, PEOPLE. Brooke and I are so excited that we plan on live blogging it together. No actually live, of course, because that would require we tear ourselves away from the action. But I promise you that if Deanna tells Jason that she wants him back, Brooke will unleash a string of incriminations on here tomorrow that, in most public settings, would be in violation of the first amendment.

UPDATE: Brooke’s made the call – we’re going full blogtard. The Bachelor season finale live blog will start here just before 8:00. We’ll post updates in bunches as often as possible, though I’m warning you now there is no telling how the excessive glee will affect my ability to type.


Blogger Tom said... doesn't go bad if you leave it in the bottle? (Honestly, though, it's never come up)

March 2, 2009 at 3:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

This has been a fun season. I'm not ashamed to admit I've watched a few.

I will say, I admire this dude's directness with some of these girls. When he's not diggin' them, he turns them loose, and tells them why.

All those phillies are CRAZY this season. I've never seen anything like it. When you think about it, they're really no more classy than the Rock of Love or Flavor of Love girls - just better dressed.

March 2, 2009 at 3:28:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

US magazine had an article that says Jason picks Melissa, but then later dumps her for Molly. And that, that was the plan from the beginning, to do the old switercheroo just for the ratings.

March 2, 2009 at 3:29:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Screw you, Anonymous spoiler.

March 2, 2009 at 3:39:00 PM EST  
Blogger Law Girl said...

Anonymous spoiler, you suck.

That being said, I cannot WAIT for the Brooke/Dan joint commentary!

March 2, 2009 at 3:46:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, whatever. You'd have to be living under a rock to not have heard something about it already. It's been all over the gossip magazines and entertainment news.

March 2, 2009 at 4:14:00 PM EST  
Blogger Rock It said...

I'm happy/sad to admit that I like this show and am extremely excited for the "live" blogging of the show. Because honestly you make TV even better than it already is.

March 2, 2009 at 4:40:00 PM EST  
Blogger Allison Hatfield said...

my excessive glee is blurring my vision!! oh the irony!

March 2, 2009 at 8:05:00 PM EST  

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