If there is one thing that New York has taught me it’s that you have to fight for what you believe in. Like when Brooke and I moved into our new apartment in Miami and found out that our assigned parking spot was on the sixth floor, and, after driving around the parking garage levels a total of once decided that this would not do, I went to the person in charge and, while not exactly saying that I am a doctor, did tell them that I was on call for my job very often and would need to enter and exit the building much faster, all of which is not a lie due to the fact that sometimes my work calls and asks me to do things, which, I believe, is the definition of being “on call.” So now our parking spot is on the second floor of the garage, all because I heeded the fourth rule of Fight Club, which is always follow your dreams wherever they may fly.
And if there’s one other thing that New York has taught me, it’s that there’s apparently no such thing as “enough money.” Like when millionaires sit around at The Elk Lodge drinking $100 glasses of scotch and talking about the future, they’re never like, “$100,000,000,000,000.00 is enough for me!” Because then someone goes and buys Central Park for $200,000,000,000,000.00 and everyone’s like “You rascal! That should have been me!”
So while the Miami sunshine may have tempered my cut throat capitalistic sensibilities, my recent trip to New York has revived them with a vengeance, leading to the rebirth of my Million Dollar Idea series. Though none of my previous ideas have panned out, that’s not the point of entrepreneurship. It’s about ideas that serve the common good by identifying an underserved area of society and then coming up with a product or service that they will overpay for due to a misconstrued sense of need and an unidentifiable feeling of emptiness that can only be filled by accumulating well-marketed goods.
And you know what consumer base is totally untapped? Women who think they’re pregnant but don’t want to be.
But in most of my personal friends’ experiences, not being knocked up is the winning outcome. Which is why I’ll introduce The Joy Stick™, a home pregnancy test made specifically for women whose positive outcome is a negative one. (Possible slogan?) So instead of + or –, these would have things like smiley faces, or cute phrases like “You win!” or “Not again!” or “Dodged that bullet!”
And the best part about them is that while they are highly entertaining, they are also totally vague. So women will need to take two or three tests to figure out if they’re pregnant or not, thereby bolstering sales. But most importantly, they’ll be having fun while they do it, sharing it with their girlfriends, etc.
I don’t know about you guys, but I got a feeling that this is it, the idea that will finally make me as rich as this cat, who is apparently wealthy enough to hire a deer to bathe him.
Everything Is Wrong with Me: A Memoir of an American Childhood Gone, Well, Wrong, by Jason Mulgrew
I promise that one of these days I will write a book. Well, promise is a strong word. But until that day (probably) comes, you can tide yourself over reading this blog-turned-book. Then when the day comes that some reviewer writes, "Daniel Murphy's new book is just like Jason Mulgrew's only without the good parts" you can be like, "Hey, I know what he's talking about."
The Bachelorette, ABC, 8:00 Mondays
You guys, I don't know if I can do it. There's a "Tattoo Count" on the guys' bio pages. And Ali is like Brittany Spears without the redeeming past. Can we really do this for ANOTHER season? Shouldn't someone just be like, "We've done this 16 times! HERE IS WHERE THE LOVE IS. You can stop looking for it now"? Ah, crap. There's a ukulele. Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in with their Indignity TreatsTM.
Now Listening To
Adam Arcuragi, I Am Become Joy “Bottom of the River”
My little sister, who officially became cooler than me sometime around her thirteenth birthday, sent me this video. If this isn't what music is all about, I don't know what is. (Intercourse? Maybe intercourse.)