Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Back in the U.S.S.R.A.

Here's something they don't tell you on CNN – Asia is nuts. Mind-boggling. And not in a good or bad way, but in a uniquely ambiguous way, where one day you find yourself saying, "This is insane," but even you don't know if you're referring to the three live pigs strapped to the back of a scooter or the 15-cent beer you're drinking while watching it drive by.

So how was it? Well I saw things I'll never be able to unsee, ate things I'll never be able to uneat, pooped in places one should never have to poop in, and was (pulling cardigan tight across my chest) taken advantage of by more masseuses than I care to count. And it was awesome, and there's stories behind it all.

Unfortunately I can't tell you any of those stories right now because I am literally falling asleep at my desk. I mean, I knew going in there was an 11 hour time difference, but apparently I had no concept of what that means. Honestly I still don't. All I know is that somehow through the magic of time zones and jet engines, I left Thailand Monday morning and landed in Los Angeles on Monday morning. I almost cried trying to wrap my head around it before Brooke just pat me on the head and said, "Does Dan need a hamburger?" and I let it go.

So yeah, we'll hold off on the stories for now. Oh, and as for the devastating natural disasters terrorizing Southeast Asia that so many one of you posted concerned comments about, thankfully Brooke and I managed to avoid the worst of it. In fact, having no internet or TV, we had no idea what was going on until we got to Thailand with five days left in the trip. We had just checked into this great oceanfront resort on an island called Ko Samui, and when we went to the room to drop our bags off there on the coffee table was a newspaper.

Before I could finish saying "Holy crap" the phone rings. Brooke and I look at each other inquisitively. I pick up.

Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "What is wrong with you?! Why haven't you called? There's a frickin' typhoon you know!"
Me: (imaging my mother on her cell phone being pulled in a rickshaw on her way to find me) "This is weird."

I have no idea how she tracked us down, and I didn't bother asking. But I learned a valuable lesson that day: No matter how different Asia may be, there's some things (like a mother's loveable insanity) that always remain the same.

22 Comments:

Blogger Poodle said...

i am just glad you both are back

October 7, 2009 at 7:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger molls said...

glad you're safe! looking forward to many lengthy recaps. we've all missed your sunny personality.

October 7, 2009 at 7:05:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank god you are back. i was getting so bored. having nothing to read, i was forced to do actual work. at work.

October 7, 2009 at 7:07:00 PM EDT  
Blogger davelee said...

That pig on a motorbike ain't shit. When I went to Cambodia last fall, they would have a yard of chickens double stacked on both sides, plus 3 kids on the back...

October 7, 2009 at 10:16:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave it to a Mom to track her kid down even in the most densely populated part of the world.

October 7, 2009 at 10:25:00 PM EDT  
Blogger miss. chief said...

i can not wait to hear more about your trip. the pigs thing is hilarious!

October 7, 2009 at 11:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Maddie said...

I LIVE here and no one (except YOUR mom) was concerned about me in the typhoon/hurricane either.

October 8, 2009 at 1:09:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Andrew said...

I cannot wait until you post every detail of the trip.

October 8, 2009 at 9:26:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Jillian said...

I actually did think about you and Brooke in the typhoon, but I didn't want to be THAT girl. You know, the crazy one that you have never, and will never, meet who randomly keeps tabs on your vacation plans, etc.

Plus, if you did get stuck in the typhoon I figured you (or your loved ones) would have a super cool story to tell.

October 8, 2009 at 9:50:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Nicole said...

I'm so glad y'all made it back safe and sound! Also, I love that Brooke's way of comforting you was to suggest a hamburger. Classic.

October 8, 2009 at 10:48:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Book Girl said...

Happy to have you back! I'm looking forward to reading more posts from you & Brooke.

October 8, 2009 at 12:09:00 PM EDT  
Blogger BaxtersMum said...

YAY! Dan's BACK! WAIT! What did Puppy do while you were gone?

October 8, 2009 at 12:30:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Trooper Thorn said...

The UN has a top secret Mom Hot Line,base on Batphone technology.

October 8, 2009 at 3:05:00 PM EDT  
Blogger LiLu said...

If only they could bottle a mother's tenacity, I'm pretty sure we could solve global warming.

October 9, 2009 at 9:41:00 AM EDT  
Blogger [mother] said...

I'm supposing you don't know about the little chip that's implanted in your mind when you have a child.

It's called the "Holy crap, I have to care for and keep tabs on this person for the rest of my life" chip.

By the way, you have no choice about having it implanted.

It's called love.

And as for insanity, try finding your car service at JFK when two flights arrive at the same time.

October 10, 2009 at 9:54:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was the only one you cared about you guys dying in a typhoon in Vietnam?

AWESOME! Clearly I am your favorite anon stalker now. After your mom of course...

'nilla

October 10, 2009 at 6:07:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

" . . . a mother's loveable insanity." Well said.

October 11, 2009 at 3:50:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait to be relieved of the tedium of work by new posts, especially if there are pictures involved.

October 12, 2009 at 9:48:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Angela said...

Well, it sounds like you certainly had an interesting time overseas!

October 12, 2009 at 7:23:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Jeannie said...

Welcome back!! You guys are hilarious and I can't wait to read more. Happy you're alright.

October 15, 2009 at 1:41:00 PM EDT  
Blogger eda said...

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G點性感丁字褲吊帶襪丁字褲無線跳蛋

衣蝶
情趣按摩棒
潤滑液SM內衣性感內衣自慰器充氣娃娃AV情趣情趣用品

December 2, 2009 at 3:25:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Jeanne said...

I loved reading your journal of your trip, and you made me laugh! that was worth it. Publish a book! I only came upon this because I was looking up the definition of redacted.

December 15, 2009 at 5:10:00 PM EST  

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